Wednesday, August 31, 2005
AOL Caters to the Insane
I'm sure that anyone who's ever dealt with America Online has had an inkling that the service caters to morons and the insane. Now the company itself is admitting to it all. I just logged into my free AIM email account to read this message from the company:
AIM Mail lets you:
Reduce password overload.
You only have to log in once to access both your AIM Mail and your IM.
Be spontaneous.
Respond to an IM with either an email or an IM.
Exude that confident glow.
We've got you covered with industry-leading spam and virus protection.
Keep anything and everything.
Two GBs of storage enables your hoarding tendencies.
Preserve important relationships.
Unsend an email sent to an AOL or IM address. Unless it's been opened, in which case you're on your own.
Secretly indulge in obsessive behavior.
Check to see if an email you've sent has been read by its recipient. Check again. And again.
Do it your way.
You can easily access your AIM Mail from Microsoft Outlook or any other IMAP-compliant email program.
So one minute they're urging me to "be spontaneous" and "respond to an IM with either an email or an IM." Then the next minute they warn me that I might want to "preserve important relationships" by opting to "unsend an email sent to an AOL or IM address" with the warning: "Unless it's been opened, in which case you're on your own." As if these things didn't spill it out for me, they wrote the words: "Secretly indulge in obsessive behavior." I'm told that I can "check to see if an email (I've) sent has been read by its recipient." I can: "Check again. And again."
Let's get this straight - a major American corporation is encouraging people to go a bit bonkers sending email that could destroy our personal relationships. If we have a moment of clarity and realize that sending the email was a mistake, we can stop it...if we do so in time. Should we be gluttons for punishment, we can obsessively sit at our computers refreshing the box to see if the person has read the message yet.
Heaven forbid that people prone to this sort of behavior seek out professional help...not when AOL is here to feed our psychoses.
AIM Mail lets you:
Reduce password overload.
You only have to log in once to access both your AIM Mail and your IM.
Be spontaneous.
Respond to an IM with either an email or an IM.
Exude that confident glow.
We've got you covered with industry-leading spam and virus protection.
Keep anything and everything.
Two GBs of storage enables your hoarding tendencies.
Preserve important relationships.
Unsend an email sent to an AOL or IM address. Unless it's been opened, in which case you're on your own.
Secretly indulge in obsessive behavior.
Check to see if an email you've sent has been read by its recipient. Check again. And again.
Do it your way.
You can easily access your AIM Mail from Microsoft Outlook or any other IMAP-compliant email program.
So one minute they're urging me to "be spontaneous" and "respond to an IM with either an email or an IM." Then the next minute they warn me that I might want to "preserve important relationships" by opting to "unsend an email sent to an AOL or IM address" with the warning: "Unless it's been opened, in which case you're on your own." As if these things didn't spill it out for me, they wrote the words: "Secretly indulge in obsessive behavior." I'm told that I can "check to see if an email (I've) sent has been read by its recipient." I can: "Check again. And again."
Let's get this straight - a major American corporation is encouraging people to go a bit bonkers sending email that could destroy our personal relationships. If we have a moment of clarity and realize that sending the email was a mistake, we can stop it...if we do so in time. Should we be gluttons for punishment, we can obsessively sit at our computers refreshing the box to see if the person has read the message yet.
Heaven forbid that people prone to this sort of behavior seek out professional help...not when AOL is here to feed our psychoses.
Tuesday, August 30, 2005
AIM Fight
Nothing beats a popularity contest, let alone a popularity contest on the internet. This is the crap that really matters...right?
Now you can compare the size of your buddy list to the size of someone else's buddy list. Beware thehours seconds of enjoyment that are headed your way when you click here.
Now you can compare the size of your buddy list to the size of someone else's buddy list. Beware the
Monday, August 29, 2005
What does your name mean?
Here's the 411 on mine:
Noble : Teutonic
Truthful one : Greek
You are a visionary with courage and enthusiasm if a little hasty at times. Your ambitious nature can be satisfied when you apply wisdom, patience and self-discipline to your vitality and zest. You have a wonderful way with words and may be drawn to the communications arena where there is the potential for great success. Your generous and warm nature attracts many friends and loved ones.
Click here for yours.
Noble : Teutonic
Truthful one : Greek
You are a visionary with courage and enthusiasm if a little hasty at times. Your ambitious nature can be satisfied when you apply wisdom, patience and self-discipline to your vitality and zest. You have a wonderful way with words and may be drawn to the communications arena where there is the potential for great success. Your generous and warm nature attracts many friends and loved ones.
Click here for yours.
Sunday, August 28, 2005
Suge Knight Caught in Time Warp
Apparently Suge Knight thinks it's still nineteen ninety-something and professionals working in the rap music industry need to shoot one another to sell albums. Poor guy...someone should have caught him up to speed when he got out of jail.
MIAMI BEACH, Florida (AP) -- Rap mogul Marion "Suge" Knight was shot in the leg early Sunday during a party hosted by Grammy-winning hip hop artist Kanye West, police said.
Knight, 40, was hospitalized in good condition, police said. He was shot during a celebrity-studded party at the Shore Club, one of the many celebrations in Miami Beach ahead of the MTV Video Music Awards scheduled Sunday night, said Miami Beach Police Officer Bobby Hernandez.
Sonja Mauro, a guest at the club, said a shot in the party's VIP section rang out shortly before 1 a.m.
"I was in there and I heard a pop and I ran out and got trampled," she said.
People attending the party began screaming and running for the doors, she said.
Celebrities who attended included West, actress Jessica Alba and comedian Eddie Murphy, but it was unclear whether they were still there when the shooting took place.
Knight co-founded the pioneering rap label Death Row Records and hit the charts in the 1990s with West Coast stars including Snoop Dogg and Tupac Shakur.
Knight was convicted in 1992 of assault and weapons violations and was placed on probation. In 1996, he was jailed for five years for violating probation after he and several associates, including Shakur, were recorded on videotape beating a gang rival at a Las Vegas hotel. Shakur was later shot to death in Las Vegas.
Relatives of slain rapper Notorious B.I.G. have also accused Knight of involvement in B.I.G.'s death, though police have never named Knight as a suspect.
Knight continues to operate his label, now called Tha Row.
Attempts to reach a spokesman for West early Sunday were unsuccessful. A message left with an MTV representative was not immediately returned.
Check out Death Row Records.
MIAMI BEACH, Florida (AP) -- Rap mogul Marion "Suge" Knight was shot in the leg early Sunday during a party hosted by Grammy-winning hip hop artist Kanye West, police said.
Knight, 40, was hospitalized in good condition, police said. He was shot during a celebrity-studded party at the Shore Club, one of the many celebrations in Miami Beach ahead of the MTV Video Music Awards scheduled Sunday night, said Miami Beach Police Officer Bobby Hernandez.
Sonja Mauro, a guest at the club, said a shot in the party's VIP section rang out shortly before 1 a.m.
"I was in there and I heard a pop and I ran out and got trampled," she said.
People attending the party began screaming and running for the doors, she said.
Celebrities who attended included West, actress Jessica Alba and comedian Eddie Murphy, but it was unclear whether they were still there when the shooting took place.
Knight co-founded the pioneering rap label Death Row Records and hit the charts in the 1990s with West Coast stars including Snoop Dogg and Tupac Shakur.
Knight was convicted in 1992 of assault and weapons violations and was placed on probation. In 1996, he was jailed for five years for violating probation after he and several associates, including Shakur, were recorded on videotape beating a gang rival at a Las Vegas hotel. Shakur was later shot to death in Las Vegas.
Relatives of slain rapper Notorious B.I.G. have also accused Knight of involvement in B.I.G.'s death, though police have never named Knight as a suspect.
Knight continues to operate his label, now called Tha Row.
Attempts to reach a spokesman for West early Sunday were unsuccessful. A message left with an MTV representative was not immediately returned.
Check out Death Row Records.
Forty-Year-Old Virgin
I saw The 40 Year Old Virgin yesterday and am recommending it to everyone. The plot is obvious so I won't explain it. Just go see it.
Saturday, August 27, 2005
Most Inaccurate Online Quiz Ever
| Your Musical Tastes Match: Dale Earnhardt Jr. |
 See his whole playlist here (iTunes required) |
Teen Pregnancy Problem
According to CNN: "One in seven high school girls in Canton, Ohio is pregnant." That's a lot of babies having babies. I'd think that the baby boomers would be happy to be guaranteed that as they slip into senility, there will be a generation full of kids who've grown up in poverty and are undereducated enough to take crappy jobs as sponge-bathers and ass-wipers for the elderly.
The baby boomers are "glass half empty" people, though. They're in a tizzy over the fact that taxpayers (by which they mean "taxpayers making over $50,000 a year," since the working poor who dutifully pay taxes while having the audacity to receive government-sponsored aid for childcare, education, housing assistance, etc., don't seem to count) will have to contribute to the raising of these bundles of joy. We Americans can't make up our minds. We can condemn abortion but we can't support the babies we've saved.
According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, Ohio ranks 23rd in teen pregnancy with 74 pregnancies per 1000 girls aged 15-19. The right-to-lifers aren't doing much, either. When it comes to giving birth to these babies, we rank 25th with 39.5 births per 1000 girls aged 15-19. Given that a handful will have natural miscarriages, that leaves about 30 abortions per 1000 girls. So for every hundred teenage girls, there are three abortions.
Teenage girls are going to keep getting pregnant. No amount of whining will stop them. Basically every year, 7 out of every 100 high-school-aged girls in Ohio will get knocked up. Only three of them will get abortions. The other four will give birth. The only possible answers are to a) force the girls to get abortions if they can't support their babies, b) provide financial incentives to pregnant teenage moms so they won't get abortions or c) shut the hell up and let the mothers decide what to do. Unfortunately the conservative voters in Ohio want to stop abortions but not do a damn thing to help the mothers support their children.
The baby boomers are "glass half empty" people, though. They're in a tizzy over the fact that taxpayers (by which they mean "taxpayers making over $50,000 a year," since the working poor who dutifully pay taxes while having the audacity to receive government-sponsored aid for childcare, education, housing assistance, etc., don't seem to count) will have to contribute to the raising of these bundles of joy. We Americans can't make up our minds. We can condemn abortion but we can't support the babies we've saved.
According to the National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy, Ohio ranks 23rd in teen pregnancy with 74 pregnancies per 1000 girls aged 15-19. The right-to-lifers aren't doing much, either. When it comes to giving birth to these babies, we rank 25th with 39.5 births per 1000 girls aged 15-19. Given that a handful will have natural miscarriages, that leaves about 30 abortions per 1000 girls. So for every hundred teenage girls, there are three abortions.
Teenage girls are going to keep getting pregnant. No amount of whining will stop them. Basically every year, 7 out of every 100 high-school-aged girls in Ohio will get knocked up. Only three of them will get abortions. The other four will give birth. The only possible answers are to a) force the girls to get abortions if they can't support their babies, b) provide financial incentives to pregnant teenage moms so they won't get abortions or c) shut the hell up and let the mothers decide what to do. Unfortunately the conservative voters in Ohio want to stop abortions but not do a damn thing to help the mothers support their children.
They Sold Their Souls for Rock n Roll
Some people spent last night out with friends, others saw a movie, still others watched regular network television. Those poor unfortunate souls missed one of television's greatest moments - the broadcast of "They Sold Their Souls for Rock n Roll" on WLMB (Channel 6 on Buckeye Cable). I'm easily giving this program ***** out of *****. Picture AC/DC in concert...now picture it like you're at a karaoke bar with the lyrics splashed across the TV screen...now picture a camera shot of the crowd...now picture the flames of hell superimposed on the crowd with the sound of cheering slowed down to more resemble the sound of tormented souls suffering in hell. Watch out, Steven Spielberg.
The production company's website (Good Fight) hails this as a "rockumentary exposing the Satanic influence upon top pop stars." As if that isn't enough to tempt you, check out the endorsement from everyone's favorite 80s sitcom star Kirk Cameron:
"'They Sold Their Souls for Rock and Roll' is jaw-dropping. If you love any of the artists featured on this box, you can't afford not to watch the videos!" -Kirk Cameron
I'm sure you'll run to order the DVD or video after reading this:
Brace yourselves, as you view rare footage that MTV and VH1 would not dare show you. This unbelievable video will leave you picking your jaw off the ground, as you see hundreds of artists who are being used by Satan to destroy our youth.
This rockumentary, which has already aired in millions of homes, features hundreds of bands, including footage of artists from Eminem to Britney Spears to Madonna and Marilyn Manson. This video answers God's call to "sound the alarm" and "rescue the innocent" being led to the slaughter. While Satan is using music to destroy millions of souls, God is using this video to rescue multitudes from destruction. It's a must see!
While you're ordering, be sure to toss "Hollywood Exposed" in your cart as well. It looks riveting.
The production company's website (Good Fight) hails this as a "rockumentary exposing the Satanic influence upon top pop stars." As if that isn't enough to tempt you, check out the endorsement from everyone's favorite 80s sitcom star Kirk Cameron:
"'They Sold Their Souls for Rock and Roll' is jaw-dropping. If you love any of the artists featured on this box, you can't afford not to watch the videos!" -Kirk Cameron
I'm sure you'll run to order the DVD or video after reading this:
Brace yourselves, as you view rare footage that MTV and VH1 would not dare show you. This unbelievable video will leave you picking your jaw off the ground, as you see hundreds of artists who are being used by Satan to destroy our youth.
This rockumentary, which has already aired in millions of homes, features hundreds of bands, including footage of artists from Eminem to Britney Spears to Madonna and Marilyn Manson. This video answers God's call to "sound the alarm" and "rescue the innocent" being led to the slaughter. While Satan is using music to destroy millions of souls, God is using this video to rescue multitudes from destruction. It's a must see!
While you're ordering, be sure to toss "Hollywood Exposed" in your cart as well. It looks riveting.
Friday, August 26, 2005
How dare you publish scientific information that disagrees with my religious views!
Here's the latest news regarding the ongoing abortion debate in the United States.
Basically, some group is pressuring the federal government to require doctors to counsel pregnant women about fetal pain when the women are trying to get abortions at 20+ weeks of pregnancy, as well as to offer to provide anesthesia to the fetuses.
The JAMA published an article on research which shows that fetuses do not feel pain until later in their development. According to the article: "Fetal awareness of noxious stimuli requires functional thalamocortical connections. Thalamocortical fibers begin appearing between 23 to 30 weeks’ gestational age, while electroencephalography suggests the capacity for functional pain perception in preterm neonates probably does not exist before 29 or 30 weeks."
In layman's terms, the fetus doesn't feel any physical pain until 29 weeks. The typical pregnancy lasts 40 weeks. So a fetus won't feel a thing until around seven months. This means that the proposed legislation is (duh) a waste of time for the women involved as it's based on false science, designed to scare women out of getting abortions by convincing them that they are monsters who are selfishly hurting sweet little babies. It's moronic because according to Roe v. Wade, abortion isn't even a legal option by 29 weeks (unless the mother's health is in serious jeopardy) because the fetus could live outside the womb by then.
Courtesy of CNN:
CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- The editor of a medical journal that published an article this week saying fetuses likely don't feel pain until late in pregnancy said Thursday she has received dozens of angry e-mails from abortion opponents.
Dr. Catherine DeAngelis, editor in chief of The Journal of the American Medical Association, said she had to take a walk around the block after receiving dozens of "horrible, vindictive" messages.
"One woman said she would pray for my soul," DeAngelis said. "I could use all the prayers I can get." DeAngelis said she is a staunch Roman Catholic and strongly opposes abortion, though she also supports women's right to choose.
"Your license should be stripped," DeAngelis said, reading aloud from the 50 or so e-mails that came to her office. "You're hypocrisy," "You should get a real job," "Eternity will definitely bring justice for you," others wrote.
Critics said the article in Wednesday's JAMA was a politically motivated attack on proposed federal legislation that would require doctors to provide fetal pain information to women seeking abortions when fetuses are at least 20 weeks, and to offer women fetal anesthesia at that stage of the pregnancy. A handful of states have enacted similar measures.
One of the five authors of the article is a University of California, San Francisco obstetrician who works at an abortion clinic and a second author -- a UCSF medical student and lawyer -- worked for several months at the advocacy group NARAL Pro-Choice America.
DeAngelis said JAMA will publish properly submitted critics' comments in an upcoming edition and will give the authors a chance to respond. But she stood by her decision to publish it.
"There's nothing wrong with this article," DeAngelis said. "This is not original research. This is a review article," based on data in dozens of medical articles by other researchers. (Full story)
DeAngelis said the obstetrician's experience is not a conflict because performing abortions is often part of that job. She said she would have published the medical student's NARAL connection as a potential conflict of interest had she known about it in advance, but that not mentioning it does not mean that the article or journal are biased.
"If there weren't four other authors and this wasn't a peer-reviewed journal, I'd worry ... but I don't," she said.
Dr. Mark Rosen, the review's senior author, is an anesthesiologist and fetal surgery pioneer who said the article is an objective review of medical literature.
Dr. Philip Darney, an obstetrics-gynecology professor at UCSF, said the review article represents "thoughtful and thorough scholarship. No conflicts of interest were present in conducting this work and no affiliations nor clinical practice information were withheld inappropriately."
DeAngelis said she attends Mass at least weekly and is also a Eucharistic minister, which allows her to administer communion to fellow Catholics.
Basically, some group is pressuring the federal government to require doctors to counsel pregnant women about fetal pain when the women are trying to get abortions at 20+ weeks of pregnancy, as well as to offer to provide anesthesia to the fetuses.
The JAMA published an article on research which shows that fetuses do not feel pain until later in their development. According to the article: "Fetal awareness of noxious stimuli requires functional thalamocortical connections. Thalamocortical fibers begin appearing between 23 to 30 weeks’ gestational age, while electroencephalography suggests the capacity for functional pain perception in preterm neonates probably does not exist before 29 or 30 weeks."
In layman's terms, the fetus doesn't feel any physical pain until 29 weeks. The typical pregnancy lasts 40 weeks. So a fetus won't feel a thing until around seven months. This means that the proposed legislation is (duh) a waste of time for the women involved as it's based on false science, designed to scare women out of getting abortions by convincing them that they are monsters who are selfishly hurting sweet little babies. It's moronic because according to Roe v. Wade, abortion isn't even a legal option by 29 weeks (unless the mother's health is in serious jeopardy) because the fetus could live outside the womb by then.
Courtesy of CNN:
CHICAGO, Illinois (AP) -- The editor of a medical journal that published an article this week saying fetuses likely don't feel pain until late in pregnancy said Thursday she has received dozens of angry e-mails from abortion opponents.
Dr. Catherine DeAngelis, editor in chief of The Journal of the American Medical Association, said she had to take a walk around the block after receiving dozens of "horrible, vindictive" messages.
"One woman said she would pray for my soul," DeAngelis said. "I could use all the prayers I can get." DeAngelis said she is a staunch Roman Catholic and strongly opposes abortion, though she also supports women's right to choose.
"Your license should be stripped," DeAngelis said, reading aloud from the 50 or so e-mails that came to her office. "You're hypocrisy," "You should get a real job," "Eternity will definitely bring justice for you," others wrote.
Critics said the article in Wednesday's JAMA was a politically motivated attack on proposed federal legislation that would require doctors to provide fetal pain information to women seeking abortions when fetuses are at least 20 weeks, and to offer women fetal anesthesia at that stage of the pregnancy. A handful of states have enacted similar measures.
One of the five authors of the article is a University of California, San Francisco obstetrician who works at an abortion clinic and a second author -- a UCSF medical student and lawyer -- worked for several months at the advocacy group NARAL Pro-Choice America.
DeAngelis said JAMA will publish properly submitted critics' comments in an upcoming edition and will give the authors a chance to respond. But she stood by her decision to publish it.
"There's nothing wrong with this article," DeAngelis said. "This is not original research. This is a review article," based on data in dozens of medical articles by other researchers. (Full story)
DeAngelis said the obstetrician's experience is not a conflict because performing abortions is often part of that job. She said she would have published the medical student's NARAL connection as a potential conflict of interest had she known about it in advance, but that not mentioning it does not mean that the article or journal are biased.
"If there weren't four other authors and this wasn't a peer-reviewed journal, I'd worry ... but I don't," she said.
Dr. Mark Rosen, the review's senior author, is an anesthesiologist and fetal surgery pioneer who said the article is an objective review of medical literature.
Dr. Philip Darney, an obstetrics-gynecology professor at UCSF, said the review article represents "thoughtful and thorough scholarship. No conflicts of interest were present in conducting this work and no affiliations nor clinical practice information were withheld inappropriately."
DeAngelis said she attends Mass at least weekly and is also a Eucharistic minister, which allows her to administer communion to fellow Catholics.
Thursday, August 25, 2005
Girl Gone Wild
The quality of BGSU's student body really has gone downhill since I graduated.
From the Blade.
BOWLING GREEN - The excitement of a Bowling Green State University freshman's first day of classes this week ended in a nightmare when her roommate allegedly attacked her with a hot iron.
Heather Haase, 18, of Jefferson, Ohio, in Ashtabula County, was taken to Wood County Hospital, then to St. Vincent Mercy Medical Center with a skull fracture, bruises, cuts, and a burn, university police said. She was released Tuesday, a spokesman there said.
Her roommate, Sharronda A. Barkley, 18, of Macedonia, Ohio, in Summit County, was charged with felonious assault. Bond was set at $25,000, and she remained in the county jail yesterday. During a video arraignment Tuesday in Bowling Green Municipal Court, Judge Mark Reddin ordered that Ms. Barkley have no contact with Ms. Haase and that she not return to BGSU. A preliminary hearing was set for Aug. 31.
Freshmen arrived on campus last Thursday and attended their first classes Monday. Early Tuesday, according to the BGSU police report, Ms. Haase returned to her room in Anderson Hall. Her roommate told her they needed to talk about "cameras in the room."
"Sharronda accused her of having a hidden camera in the room," Officer Justin Penrose said in his report after interviewing Ms. Haase. "Sharronda took a hot flatiron and started to hit Heather in the head and burning her arm."
Ms. Haase told Sgt. Dennis Ehlers her roommate had met her in the hallway and asked her to come to the room so "she could show her something."
"Once in the room, Barkley asked Haase if they had done anything with the cameras in the room. Haase said they did not find any cameras and had no idea what Barkley was talking about. This is when Barkley turned around and started hitting Haase with the clothes iron," Sergeant Ehlers' report said.
Ms. Barkley told police she hadn't hit her roommate.
"Barkley said that Haase was trying to get down from the bed when she fell and hit her head on the iron," Sergeant Ehlers said in his report. "I asked Barkley how the iron had gotten behind the door and Barkley could not tell me."
Police noted the iron was broken in two. The sergeant's report indicated Ms. Haase "was covered with blood on her face area and down the front of her shirt." Patrolman Penrose wrote when he arrived, Ms. Haase "was sitting on the ground with blood on her face and hands holding her head."
Two witnesses told police they heard Ms. Barkley yell in the hallway, "I will hit her again," and "Just take me away," according to the police report.
BGSU Police Chief James Wiegand said the incident was highly unusual.
"You have two young ladies that go off to college with an expectation of obtaining an education and hopefully having a good time, and they're not here a week and one of them is severely injured and the other ends up in jail. That's not the way it's supposed to go," he said.
Chief Wiegand could not recall a similar incident.
BGSU spokesman Teri Sharp said Ms. Barkley has been placed on interim suspension.
"That means she would not be allowed to attend classes, and the disciplinary process has begun and that's independent of any criminal investigation or charges," she said.
Students living at Anderson Hall were urged to speak with counselors if they felt anxious or upset about the incident. "As I understand it, most people were fairly calm about it," Ms. Sharp said. "The assailant had been removed from campus and would not be coming back. That eased their mind."
Ms. Haase could not be reached for comment.
The article still doesn't answer the pivotal question of what the Haase girl did with the damn cameras. Better yet, which one of you bitches set up cameras all around my house? I know you're watching me! Quit trying to read my thoughts and control me! I've got an iron and I'm not afraid to use it.
From the Blade.
BOWLING GREEN - The excitement of a Bowling Green State University freshman's first day of classes this week ended in a nightmare when her roommate allegedly attacked her with a hot iron.
Heather Haase, 18, of Jefferson, Ohio, in Ashtabula County, was taken to Wood County Hospital, then to St. Vincent Mercy Medical Center with a skull fracture, bruises, cuts, and a burn, university police said. She was released Tuesday, a spokesman there said.
Her roommate, Sharronda A. Barkley, 18, of Macedonia, Ohio, in Summit County, was charged with felonious assault. Bond was set at $25,000, and she remained in the county jail yesterday. During a video arraignment Tuesday in Bowling Green Municipal Court, Judge Mark Reddin ordered that Ms. Barkley have no contact with Ms. Haase and that she not return to BGSU. A preliminary hearing was set for Aug. 31.
Freshmen arrived on campus last Thursday and attended their first classes Monday. Early Tuesday, according to the BGSU police report, Ms. Haase returned to her room in Anderson Hall. Her roommate told her they needed to talk about "cameras in the room."
"Sharronda accused her of having a hidden camera in the room," Officer Justin Penrose said in his report after interviewing Ms. Haase. "Sharronda took a hot flatiron and started to hit Heather in the head and burning her arm."
Ms. Haase told Sgt. Dennis Ehlers her roommate had met her in the hallway and asked her to come to the room so "she could show her something."
"Once in the room, Barkley asked Haase if they had done anything with the cameras in the room. Haase said they did not find any cameras and had no idea what Barkley was talking about. This is when Barkley turned around and started hitting Haase with the clothes iron," Sergeant Ehlers' report said.
Ms. Barkley told police she hadn't hit her roommate.
"Barkley said that Haase was trying to get down from the bed when she fell and hit her head on the iron," Sergeant Ehlers said in his report. "I asked Barkley how the iron had gotten behind the door and Barkley could not tell me."
Police noted the iron was broken in two. The sergeant's report indicated Ms. Haase "was covered with blood on her face area and down the front of her shirt." Patrolman Penrose wrote when he arrived, Ms. Haase "was sitting on the ground with blood on her face and hands holding her head."
Two witnesses told police they heard Ms. Barkley yell in the hallway, "I will hit her again," and "Just take me away," according to the police report.
BGSU Police Chief James Wiegand said the incident was highly unusual.
"You have two young ladies that go off to college with an expectation of obtaining an education and hopefully having a good time, and they're not here a week and one of them is severely injured and the other ends up in jail. That's not the way it's supposed to go," he said.
Chief Wiegand could not recall a similar incident.
BGSU spokesman Teri Sharp said Ms. Barkley has been placed on interim suspension.
"That means she would not be allowed to attend classes, and the disciplinary process has begun and that's independent of any criminal investigation or charges," she said.
Students living at Anderson Hall were urged to speak with counselors if they felt anxious or upset about the incident. "As I understand it, most people were fairly calm about it," Ms. Sharp said. "The assailant had been removed from campus and would not be coming back. That eased their mind."
Ms. Haase could not be reached for comment.
The article still doesn't answer the pivotal question of what the Haase girl did with the damn cameras. Better yet, which one of you bitches set up cameras all around my house? I know you're watching me! Quit trying to read my thoughts and control me! I've got an iron and I'm not afraid to use it.
California Election
Fark ran a photoshopping contest for a Democratic celebrity candidate for governor in California. Click here to see the fun.
Local-ish Rock Star Jack White Shows Who's Boss
Who's the man? From all appearances it seems that Jack White of the White Stripes believes himself to, in fact, be the man.
Click here for the story of his latest manly outrage. A caged tiger, he is.
Lest we forget, aforementioned caged tiger enjoys a dressing room complete with red and white flowers along with red lava lamps.
Click here for the story of his latest manly outrage. A caged tiger, he is.
Lest we forget, aforementioned caged tiger enjoys a dressing room complete with red and white flowers along with red lava lamps.
Are you a Jennifer Lopez fan?
I'm not but you might be. If you are, go ahead and click here or here for a chance to win VIP tickets to the opening of JLo's New York City boutique along with other prizes. It's for charity. AP News has more details.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
"Possible" Impeachment for Governor Taft?
Okay...the former president was impeached because he lied about messing around with Monica Lewinsky, a lie that had nothing to do with his actual job. He could have gotten a blow job from her every morning of his eight years and it would not have mattered to his work as the president.
Bob Taft has been convicted of failing to report illegal golf outings with businessmen who hold contracts with the State of Ohio. This is something that directly deals with his job. You don't play hours of golf with someone on a regular basis without the result (or precursor, perhaps, in this case) being that you do your golf partner some favors. The level of unfair influence these businessmen had over Taft is so staggering that it is outright moronic to think that the violation of the law here is not worthy of impeachment.
Now the push is to "possibly" impeach Taft not based on his conviction but on the fact that he lied about his knowledge of Tom Noe's rare coin investments. Read the Blade article.
Don't get me wrong - I am very pleased to see that Taft will likely face impeachment. My point is simply that there is more than one reason why it should happen. I also hope that it happens soon. This state is in a financial mess.
Bob Taft has been convicted of failing to report illegal golf outings with businessmen who hold contracts with the State of Ohio. This is something that directly deals with his job. You don't play hours of golf with someone on a regular basis without the result (or precursor, perhaps, in this case) being that you do your golf partner some favors. The level of unfair influence these businessmen had over Taft is so staggering that it is outright moronic to think that the violation of the law here is not worthy of impeachment.
Now the push is to "possibly" impeach Taft not based on his conviction but on the fact that he lied about his knowledge of Tom Noe's rare coin investments. Read the Blade article.
Don't get me wrong - I am very pleased to see that Taft will likely face impeachment. My point is simply that there is more than one reason why it should happen. I also hope that it happens soon. This state is in a financial mess.
Tuesday, August 23, 2005
Hot or Not? Try Inappropriate!
There I was looking through the internet the other day when I saw a link to Hot or Not. For shits and giggles I registered, wanting to look through other people's pictures. I had to submit a photograph in order to join so I naturally selected a boob shot. I mean, why not be rated on my hottest feature? Today I logged back on to fiddle with my profile and see how many pervs want to shove things between my fun bags. Lo and behold a page came up saying that I'm not welcome there. Read for yourselves:
Status: NOT APPROVED.
The moderators have decided that your submission is inappropriate for HOT or NOT. Here are some of the most common reasons why profiles are not approved:
Contact information, such as an URL or email address, written on the photo or in your introduction.
Nudity, pornography, or sexually suggestive poses. HOT or NOT is strictly PG.
You are wearing lingerie, underwear, etc. See above.
You look like you are under 18.
Group photos. It is unclear which person is supposed to be you.
The photo appears to be that of a model or celebrity.
We apologize if you feel your photo should have been approved, and encourage you to submit another photo.
How is my picture not PG-rated? I'm wearing a damn bra and shirt. I've effectively been banned because I have ginormous knockers. Forgive me, but is the site not called Hot or Not? What sort of concept of hot do they have? Fascist bastards.
Status: NOT APPROVED.
The moderators have decided that your submission is inappropriate for HOT or NOT. Here are some of the most common reasons why profiles are not approved:
Contact information, such as an URL or email address, written on the photo or in your introduction.
Nudity, pornography, or sexually suggestive poses. HOT or NOT is strictly PG.
You are wearing lingerie, underwear, etc. See above.
You look like you are under 18.
Group photos. It is unclear which person is supposed to be you.
The photo appears to be that of a model or celebrity.
We apologize if you feel your photo should have been approved, and encourage you to submit another photo.
How is my picture not PG-rated? I'm wearing a damn bra and shirt. I've effectively been banned because I have ginormous knockers. Forgive me, but is the site not called Hot or Not? What sort of concept of hot do they have? Fascist bastards.
"Thou Shalt Not Kill" Is No Longer Culturally Relevant
According to American Christian fundamentalist icon Pat Robertson, it is actually okay to break the first commandment if the object of your murderous rage is somehow allowing for the spread of communism or Islamic fundamentalism. I guess by the words "turn the other cheek" Jesus Christ was referring to a sly maneuver wherein one turns quickly to reach into his holster for a .45 and catches the "striker of the cheek" by surprise with a bullet to the head. Sweet. Now that Jesus has my back on this, I'm off to stock up on ammo and head over to the nearest mosque.
From the Associated Press.
Televangelist Calls for Chavez' Death
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. (AP) -- Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested on-air that American operatives assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."
"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said Monday on the Christian Broadcast Network's "The 700 Club."
"We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator," he continued. "It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."
Chavez has emerged as one of the most outspoken critics of President Bush, accusing the United States of conspiring to topple his government and possibly backing plots to assassinate him. U.S. officials have called the accusations ridiculous.
"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson said. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don't think any oil shipments will stop."
Robertson, 75, founder of the Christian Coalition of America and a former presidential candidate, accused the United States of failing to act when Chavez was briefly overthrown in 2002.
Electronic pages and a message to a Robertson spokeswoman were not immediately returned Monday evening.
Venezuela is the fifth largest oil exporter and a major supplier of oil to the United States. The CIA estimates that U.S. markets absorb almost 59 percent of Venezuela's total exports.
Venezuela's government has demanded in the past that the United States crack down on Cuban and Venezuelan "terrorists" in Florida who they say are conspiring against Chavez.
Robertson has made controversial statements in the past. In October 2003, he suggested that the State Department be blown up with a nuclear device. He has also said that feminism encourages women to "kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
Somebody, please help me! Take away my right to vote before I gut a baby on my altar to Satan, then flitter off to touch a girl where her bathing suit goes, all the while destroying Christian institutions like health insurance companies with my delusions of government-sponsored universal coverage! Save me from myself!
From the Associated Press.
Televangelist Calls for Chavez' Death
VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. (AP) -- Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson suggested on-air that American operatives assassinate Venezuelan President Hugo Chavez to stop his country from becoming "a launching pad for communist infiltration and Muslim extremism."
"We have the ability to take him out, and I think the time has come that we exercise that ability," Robertson said Monday on the Christian Broadcast Network's "The 700 Club."
"We don't need another $200 billion war to get rid of one, you know, strong-arm dictator," he continued. "It's a whole lot easier to have some of the covert operatives do the job and then get it over with."
Chavez has emerged as one of the most outspoken critics of President Bush, accusing the United States of conspiring to topple his government and possibly backing plots to assassinate him. U.S. officials have called the accusations ridiculous.
"You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it," Robertson said. "It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war ... and I don't think any oil shipments will stop."
Robertson, 75, founder of the Christian Coalition of America and a former presidential candidate, accused the United States of failing to act when Chavez was briefly overthrown in 2002.
Electronic pages and a message to a Robertson spokeswoman were not immediately returned Monday evening.
Venezuela is the fifth largest oil exporter and a major supplier of oil to the United States. The CIA estimates that U.S. markets absorb almost 59 percent of Venezuela's total exports.
Venezuela's government has demanded in the past that the United States crack down on Cuban and Venezuelan "terrorists" in Florida who they say are conspiring against Chavez.
Robertson has made controversial statements in the past. In October 2003, he suggested that the State Department be blown up with a nuclear device. He has also said that feminism encourages women to "kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
Somebody, please help me! Take away my right to vote before I gut a baby on my altar to Satan, then flitter off to touch a girl where her bathing suit goes, all the while destroying Christian institutions like health insurance companies with my delusions of government-sponsored universal coverage! Save me from myself!
New Orleans Saints: 2005-2006 Season Games
Stop snickering! The Saints will eventually end their slump. They are my football team and no one will change my mind on the matter.
PRESEASON
08/12 Seattle L 15-34
08/18 at New England W 37-27
08/26 Baltimore 7:00 PM CT
09/01 at Oakland 8:00 PM CT
REGULAR SEASON
09/11 at Carolina 12:00 PM CT
09/18 N.Y. Giants 12:00 PM CT
09/25 at Minnesota 12:00 PM CT
10/02 Buffalo 12:00 PM CT
10/09 at Green Bay 12:00 PM CT
10/16 Atlanta 12:00 PM CT
10/23 at St. Louis 12:00 PM CT
10/30 Miami 12:00 PM CT
11/06 Chicago 12:00 PM CT
11/20 at New England 12:00 PM CT
11/27 at N.Y. Jets 7:30 PM CT
12/04 Tampa Bay 12:00 PM CT
12/12 at Atlanta 8:00 PM CT
12/18 Carolina 12:00 PM CT
12/24 Detroit 12:00 PM CT
01/01 at Tampa Bay 12:00 PM CT
PRESEASON
08/12 Seattle L 15-34
08/18 at New England W 37-27
08/26 Baltimore 7:00 PM CT
09/01 at Oakland 8:00 PM CT
REGULAR SEASON
09/11 at Carolina 12:00 PM CT
09/18 N.Y. Giants 12:00 PM CT
09/25 at Minnesota 12:00 PM CT
10/02 Buffalo 12:00 PM CT
10/09 at Green Bay 12:00 PM CT
10/16 Atlanta 12:00 PM CT
10/23 at St. Louis 12:00 PM CT
10/30 Miami 12:00 PM CT
11/06 Chicago 12:00 PM CT
11/20 at New England 12:00 PM CT
11/27 at N.Y. Jets 7:30 PM CT
12/04 Tampa Bay 12:00 PM CT
12/12 at Atlanta 8:00 PM CT
12/18 Carolina 12:00 PM CT
12/24 Detroit 12:00 PM CT
01/01 at Tampa Bay 12:00 PM CT
Monday Night Football Schedule
September 12
Atlanta Falcons vs Philadelphia Eagles
Georgia Dome
September 19
Dallas Cowboys vs Washington Redskins
Texas Stadium
September 26
Denver Broncos vs Kansas City Chiefs
Invesco Field at Mile High
October 3
Carolina Panthers vs Green Bay Packers
Bank of America Stadium
October 10
San Diego Chargers vs Pittsburgh Steelers
Qualcomm Stadium
October 17
Indianapolis Colts vs St. Louis Rams
RCA Dome
October 24
Atlanta Falcons vs New York Jets
Georgia Dome
October 31
Pittsburgh Steelers vs Baltimore Ravens
Heinz Field
November 7
New England Patriots vs Indianapolis Colts
Gillette Stadium
November 14
Philadelphia Eagles vs Dallas Cowboys
Lincoln Financial Field
November 21
Green Bay Packers vs Minnesota Vikings
Lambeau Field
November 28
Indianapolis Colts vs Pittsburgh Steelers
RCA Dome
December 5
Philadelphia Eagles vs Seattle Seahawks
Lincoln Financial Field
December 12
Atlanta Falcons vs New Orleans Saints
Georgia Dome
December 19
Baltimore Ravens vs Green Bay Packers
M&T Bank Stadium
December 26
New York Jets vs New England Patriots
Giants Stadium
Courtesy of this site (which sells tickets).
Atlanta Falcons vs Philadelphia Eagles
Georgia Dome
September 19
Dallas Cowboys vs Washington Redskins
Texas Stadium
September 26
Denver Broncos vs Kansas City Chiefs
Invesco Field at Mile High
October 3
Carolina Panthers vs Green Bay Packers
Bank of America Stadium
October 10
San Diego Chargers vs Pittsburgh Steelers
Qualcomm Stadium
October 17
Indianapolis Colts vs St. Louis Rams
RCA Dome
October 24
Atlanta Falcons vs New York Jets
Georgia Dome
October 31
Pittsburgh Steelers vs Baltimore Ravens
Heinz Field
November 7
New England Patriots vs Indianapolis Colts
Gillette Stadium
November 14
Philadelphia Eagles vs Dallas Cowboys
Lincoln Financial Field
November 21
Green Bay Packers vs Minnesota Vikings
Lambeau Field
November 28
Indianapolis Colts vs Pittsburgh Steelers
RCA Dome
December 5
Philadelphia Eagles vs Seattle Seahawks
Lincoln Financial Field
December 12
Atlanta Falcons vs New Orleans Saints
Georgia Dome
December 19
Baltimore Ravens vs Green Bay Packers
M&T Bank Stadium
December 26
New York Jets vs New England Patriots
Giants Stadium
Courtesy of this site (which sells tickets).
Monday, August 22, 2005
Taste the Cock!
God bless good friends and the random things they mail to me. Mmm...cock-flavored soup mix from a pal in California. Jamaican style!
Paging All Fiona Apple Fans
Sunday, August 21, 2005
Hallelujah
Everyone should chip in and send me on a European vacation. Windows of opportunity don't open every day.
Jude Law and Sienna Miller call it quits
NEW YORK - The fairytale romance of Jude Law and his former fiancée Sienna Miller appears to have reached an abrupt climax with Miller apparently saying that she cannot forgive Law's philandering ways.
The 23-year-old actress reportedly tried very hard to ignore the tabloids who kept harping on Jude Law's month-long affair with his children's nanny Daisy Wright. The tryst took place when Law was shooting in New Orleans. The 32-year-old actor admitted to having the affair and publicly apologized to his fiancée, "I'm deeply ashamed and upset that I have hurt Sienna and the people most close to us," he had said. But apparently this could not convince Miller who is said to have lost trust in the star. Ever since the damning revelations about his affair, Law has tried very hard to make up to Miss Miller. They have been spotted together walking a dog and quietly holding hands on their Primrose Hill residence.
But a source close to Miller says, "They have tried to make a go of it, but it comes down to the fact that Sienna can't trust Jude. She really thought their relationship was something special and was completely in love with Jude." In fact Sienna Miller was seen sobbing outside their residence after she broke up with Law. "Sienna can't forgive Jude's betrayal. Jude has pretty much given up. If Sienna can't forgive him after all he has done to say sorry, then there really isn't anything more he can do," the source elaborated. Law has been constantly hounded by the paparazzi this month who succeeded in snapping full-frontal nude photos of the actor as he was changing into swimming trunks. These snaps have been busily doing the rounds on the Internet.
It is also reported that Law spent a long time with Sienna's mother trying to salvage their relationship, "They have been spending a lot of time together over the last few days to try to get their relationship back on track, but all they do is row. And now they have decided that they are better off apart," the unnamed source said. Though anything definite cannot be said of the stormy couple and their equally fiery relationship, it does appear at the moment that it’s quits for them. Law has apparently had it with apologizing and is planning to go on holiday with his ex-wife Sadie Frost and their kids in Ibiza.
Jude Law and Sienna Miller call it quits
NEW YORK - The fairytale romance of Jude Law and his former fiancée Sienna Miller appears to have reached an abrupt climax with Miller apparently saying that she cannot forgive Law's philandering ways.
The 23-year-old actress reportedly tried very hard to ignore the tabloids who kept harping on Jude Law's month-long affair with his children's nanny Daisy Wright. The tryst took place when Law was shooting in New Orleans. The 32-year-old actor admitted to having the affair and publicly apologized to his fiancée, "I'm deeply ashamed and upset that I have hurt Sienna and the people most close to us," he had said. But apparently this could not convince Miller who is said to have lost trust in the star. Ever since the damning revelations about his affair, Law has tried very hard to make up to Miss Miller. They have been spotted together walking a dog and quietly holding hands on their Primrose Hill residence.
But a source close to Miller says, "They have tried to make a go of it, but it comes down to the fact that Sienna can't trust Jude. She really thought their relationship was something special and was completely in love with Jude." In fact Sienna Miller was seen sobbing outside their residence after she broke up with Law. "Sienna can't forgive Jude's betrayal. Jude has pretty much given up. If Sienna can't forgive him after all he has done to say sorry, then there really isn't anything more he can do," the source elaborated. Law has been constantly hounded by the paparazzi this month who succeeded in snapping full-frontal nude photos of the actor as he was changing into swimming trunks. These snaps have been busily doing the rounds on the Internet.
It is also reported that Law spent a long time with Sienna's mother trying to salvage their relationship, "They have been spending a lot of time together over the last few days to try to get their relationship back on track, but all they do is row. And now they have decided that they are better off apart," the unnamed source said. Though anything definite cannot be said of the stormy couple and their equally fiery relationship, it does appear at the moment that it’s quits for them. Law has apparently had it with apologizing and is planning to go on holiday with his ex-wife Sadie Frost and their kids in Ibiza.
Saturday, August 20, 2005
Leonard Cohen's Legal Woes
If my trusted business manager embezzled everything I owned, bringing my net worth from over $8,000,000 down to $150,000 (which I couldn't even touch), I think I'd blow the bitch away. Leonard Cohen doesn't react like me.
Click here for the Brian Johnson article.
Click here for the Katherine Macklem article, transcribed below.
A 'devastated' Leonard Cohen
The Canadian music icon is broke and the lawsuits are flying. It's a sordid tale involving allegations of extortion, SWAT teams, forcible confinement, tax troubles and betrayal.
KATHERINE MACKLEM
I said there's been a flood
I said there's nothing left
-- Leonard Cohen, from The Letters, on his album Dear Heather
Take an iconic artist, mix in missing millions, hints of tantric sex, a lawsuit replete with other salacious details, and a ruptured relationship with a long-time, trusted associate, and you've got the makings of a Hollywood blockbuster. Except in the case of Leonard Cohen, it's a true tale, with the bizarre twist of a Tibetan Buddhist suing a Zen Buddhist, Cohen. For the 70-year-old poet, singer and songwriter, it's a nasty, rapidly escalating legal battle that on the one hand accuses him of conspiracy and extortion, and on the other has him accusing both his highly trusted personal manager and long-time financial adviser -- the Tibetan Buddhist -- of gross mismanagement of his financial affairs. The case exposes not only private details of Cohen's finances, but also a dramatic tale of betrayal.
The conflict, which Cohen and others have tried to keep out of public view, has left him virtually broke -- he's had to take out a mortgage on his house to pay legal costs -- and facing a multi-million-dollar tax bill. But the artist, who is soon to release a new album with his collaborator -- and current girlfriend -- Anjani Thomas, is today remarkably calm about the potentially embarrassing conflict. Still, when he discovered last fall that his retirement funds, which he had thought amounted to more than $5 million (all figures U.S.), had been reduced to $150,000, he wasn't so sanguine. "I was devastated," Cohen says. "You know, God gave me a strong inner core, so I wasn't shattered. But I was deeply concerned."
So far, only one formal court filing involving Cohen has been made. In June, Boulder, Colo.-based Neal Greenberg, Cohen's investment adviser of almost a decade, launched a hyperbole-laden claim in Colorado against Cohen, who lives in both Los Angeles and Montreal. The suit accuses Kelley Lynch, who was Cohen's manager and is also named in the suit, of siphoning money from the songwriter. It also accuses Cohen and his lawyer Robert Kory of conspiracy, extortion and defamation. It alleges the two, in an attempt to recover at least some of Cohen's lost money, threatened to besmirch Greenberg's reputation and concocted a plan to force Greenberg to give Cohen millions of dollars.
The suit paints an almost preposterous picture of Cohen as an artist who led a lavish celebrity lifestyle and then turned bitter and vindictive when he discovered the money had run out. For example, the suit quotes Lynch describing how Cohen demanded she discuss business matters while he soaked in a bubble bath, and how later he was somehow involved in calling a SWAT team to her home, where she was handcuffed and forcibly taken to a psychiatric ward while in her bathing suit.
None of the allegations have been proven in court. Cohen is expected to file a countersuit this week. More lawsuits are likely to join the fray. And Lynch, who has sent turgid, raw and wrathful emails hither and yon, is threatening to sue just about everyone.
The conflict was triggered last fall when Cohen was tipped off by an insider that a lot of money was missing from his accounts. All that remained of his retirement savings was the $150,000, funds that today he can't get at as a result of the tangled legal web he finds himself in. Greenberg's suit portrays the soulful songwriter as an artist who paid little attention to his financial affairs and so was easily duped by a conniving personal manager. Cohen says he tried quietly, and confidentially, to find out from his various managers where the money had gone. Cohen calls the case "a tragedy," suggesting he was exploited by trusted advisers. He uses words like "greed, concealment, and reckless disregard," and says firmly he did nothing wrong. "I can assure you, within reason, I took every precaution except to question the fidelity of my closest associates."
Until Cohen fired her last fall, Kelley Lynch had been his personal manager for almost 17 years. Back in 1988, she'd been working as an assistant to his then-manager, who died that year. Because she was knowledgeable about Cohen's business affairs and recording contracts, he had her take over. Over the years, the two developed a personal and professional relationship. Fifteen years ago, they had a brief affair. "It was a casual sexual arrangement. It was mutually enjoyed and terminated," he says. "I never spent the night." The end of the affair didn't affect their bond. "We were very, very close friends," Cohen says today. "I liked her immensely. Our families were close -- she was helpful when I was raising my daughter; I employed her father." He even named her in his living will, giving her the power to decide, in certain circumstances, if he would live or die. He handed her vast powers of attorney. He trusted her implicitly. And he believed the relationship was mutual. "She wrote dozens of emails to me, thanking me for my help. We used to correspond regularly, relentlessly." He says that in 2004, while he was recording his most recent album, Dear Heather, with a small team at his home-recording studio, Lynch would come by almost daily. "People were very tight. Kelley was taking care of business, I was producing the album. It was all taking place in this little duplex and the garage that was converted into a studio. Kelley would come over, and I would generally prepare lunch for everyone."
The cosy arrangement was shattered one day last October when a young man, the boyfriend of a casual employee of Lynch, spoke to Cohen's daughter, Lorca, who owns an art deco furniture store and who lives downstairs from her father in the L.A. duplex he owns. "Your father really ought to look into his accounts, because he might be surprised at what he finds," he said. Lorca told him that her father trusted everyone involved and that besides, "he's about to retire, anyway." As Cohen senior tells the story, the young man replied, "He won't be able to retire."
Alarmed, Lorca called her father, who was in Montreal. Within a couple of days, he returned to Los Angeles and immediately went to his bank. There he discovered, as he puts it, "improprieties." Lynch had linked her American Express bill directly to his personal chequing account, he says, and just days before his visit to the bank, he'd paid a $75,000 Amex bill on her behalf. He never learned what purchases the card had been used for, but says the credit card company reimbursed him. Cohen immediately removed Lynch's signing powers on the accounts. The next day, Cohen told Lynch she no longer had access to the bank accounts and he fired her. That afternoon, Cohen says the bank notified him that Lynch went to a different branch and attempted to withdraw $40,000 from one of his accounts. He then called a lawyer and brought in a forensic accounting firm, Moss-Adams, which, in an investigation of all of Cohen's holdings, discovered "massive improprieties." In all, the accountants discovered about $8.4 million had over time disappeared from his holdings, Cohen says. His retirement funds had been virtually depleted.
Neal Greenberg, a banker with a thriving investment firm, had been brought in by Lynch to manage Cohen's money in 1996, two years after Cohen went up Mount Baldy to study to be a Rinzai Zen Buddhist monk. But now, he was worried. Over two decades, Greenberg had built a successful company, the Agile Group, and managed more than half-a-billion dollars of other people's money. He enjoyed, as he says in his suit, a "spotless professional reputation." And suddenly, here was Leonard Cohen, not just a prized client but one with a high profile, suggesting that Greenberg was party to the disappearance of Cohen's retirement savings.
Over the years, he says, he warned Cohen that his funds were being rapidly depleted, but it seemed the artist paid no heed. And now, Cohen and his lawyer, Kory, claims the Greenberg suit, were threatening "that Cohen would go out on tour to promote his new album and give interviews to reporters in which he would insinuate that he was touring because he had been bankrupted by improprieties by Greenberg and other financial advisers." Greenberg must have envisioned his business and his career in absolute tatters. He sued.
Greenberg's lawsuit lays out the business background to the dispute. Cohen's success as a singer and songwriter generated millions in royalties, the suit says, and in the 1990s, Lynch, as Cohen's trusted personal manager, began to investigate auctioning his intellectual properties, including copyrights to his song catalogue and continuing royalties for his songs. Lynch, along with a tax consultant named Richard Westin, arranged two deals for Cohen's properties. The transactions were eventually completed, one in 1997, the other in 2001, with Sony Music. From the first sale, about $5 million was transferred to trusts that Greenberg had been enlisted to manage and that would protect Cohen from an upfront tax hit. Greenberg says he invested the proceeds wisely, making lots of money for the trusts. But Greenberg also claims that Cohen's "consistent and prolific spending" to support "his extravagant 'celebrity' lifestyle" eroded the gains he had made on his client's behalf.
The second sale of Cohen's intellectual property, in 2001, was for $8 million. With Westin, Lynch put that money into a newly formed company named Traditional Holdings LLC that also was intended to shield Cohen's earnings from a major tax hit. Lynch was named as owner of 99.5 per cent of the company, leaving Cohen holding just 0.5 per cent. Greenberg alleges that Cohen, well aware of the structure and its dangers, signed off on it. Westin had explained to Cohen, the suit says, that "the plan would only work if Cohen and Lynch maintained (as they had in the past) a long-term relationship of personal and professional trust." Traditional Holdings could also issue loans to its owners, Lynch and Cohen.
As soon as the new company was in place, "Greenberg was immediately alarmed by Cohen's desire and tendency to treat this company [Traditional Holdings] like his personal piggy bank," the lawsuit alleges. It goes on to claim Cohen took a $1-million advance on the second sale of assets to Sony, Lynch took a commission of $1.1 million, and fees for lawyers and accountants ate up another $714,000. And then, over the next few years, Lynch regularly borrowed money from the Traditional Holdings account in amounts of tens of thousands of dollars, sometimes for herself, sometimes acting for Cohen. The lawsuit claims that while Greenberg sent a monthly email statement to Cohen, it was always Lynch who told Greenberg to release the loans.
The Greenberg suit claims Lynch, always acting as Cohen's agent, told Greenberg what to do regarding the funds. For instance, Lynch instructed Greenberg to send Cohen the monthly email status reports, but Greenberg says she directed him to leave out day-to-day activities and the status of Traditional Holdings loans. Because the loans were to be repaid, Greenberg included them in the statements as assets, which meant that it appeared as though nothing had been taken out.
Greenberg, who declined to comment for this article, claims in his suit he repeatedly stressed to Cohen that his spending was seriously draining his investments. In one warning letter, Greenberg told Cohen that Traditional Holdings had only $2.1 million left. Considering how quickly the money was leaving the account, Greenberg wrote, "I think you should consider your situation quite desperate." It's not clear if Cohen ever received this letter. On this, Cohen and Greenberg agree: they say many of Greenberg's attempted communications with Cohen were intercepted by Lynch.
On other points, Cohen disagrees. He was vitally interested in his financial affairs, he says. "It wasn't that I wasn't involved -- on the contrary, I took great pains to pay these professionals well and to solicit their advice and to follow it," he insists. "And, I was receiving a report every month from Neal Greenberg indicating that my retirement savings were safe." Cohen insists he was not made aware that Lynch had been named the majority owner of Traditional Holdings; instead, he says that in an early description of the company's structure, he had been told that his two children, Lorca and Adam, would be its principal owners. He says he was shocked to learn that Lynch had almost complete ownership. The mistake Cohen admits to is that "I paid close attention to everything except the possibility that my closest associate would embrace any irregularities in the discharge of her duties."
Cohen also says he learned only recently that the two sales of his intellectual property to Sony were unnecessary. He understands now that those properties earned roughly $400,000 a year, before taxes. That was plenty for him to support what he calls his modest lifestyle. Cohen accuses Lynch of creating the deals in order to boost her own income. He paid her 15 per cent of his income, which generally earned her $90,000 a year, he says. With the sales of his intellectual property bringing in revenue in the millions, it boosted her income to seven figures.
Greenberg's lawsuit becomes more disturbing as it describes what happened after Cohen realized he'd lost millions of dollars. Greenberg says Cohen pressured him to go after his firm's insurance company for the money to repay him. "Be a man," Cohen told Greenberg, the suit says. By threatening his reputation, it appeared to Greenberg that Cohen, on Kory's advice, had decided to target Greenberg's and his insurance company's deep pockets. Then, alleges the lawsuit, Cohen and Kory began to pressure Lynch to join them in "their extortion scheme." From November 2004 to April 2005, the lawsuit says, Kory repeatedly let Lynch know, sometimes directly, sometimes through friends or other intermediaries, that Cohen was ready to "forgive" Lynch's obligations to him, and that she in fact could receive a hefty cut of "whatever funds could be extorted from Greenberg and other advisers with her co-operation."
Greenberg's suit alleges that when Lynch refused to participate, Kory and Cohen vowed to "crush her." It goes on to say their "tactics to terrorize, silence, or disparage Lynch" included threatening her that she would go to jail, and "paying two paroled convicts to make statements that they had observed Lynch's older son brandishing a gun and threatening to kill someone."
Lynch's response, to all of this has been bitter, scattered and in some cases difficult to comprehend. In a rambling exchange of emails with Maclean's last week, she denied any wrongdoing. She also declined to discuss the Agile Group's lawsuit, describing it as "bogus" and "slanderous," while promising to file her own complaints against Cohen and other principal players in the case. She added her phone had been disconnected because she lacked money to pay the bills.
In the meantime, she's been showering Cohen and others with invective-laden emails that alternately voice misery and hurl accusations at friends and former colleagues. Many of these lament losing custody of her 12-year-old son, Ray, to his father, music producer Steve Lindsay. A few devolve into the outrightly bizarre. One missive, sent July 17 and obtained by Maclean's, invites Greenberg in highly explicit terms to Lynch's home for an evening of tantric sex. "First I want to study the inner channels with you," it says. "Why not -- let's see who is better at tantric sex -- you or me."
So troubling have the messages become that several people who know Lynch fear she's become unhinged. "I'm afraid she's suicidal," says Lindsay, her ex-husband, adding that in his judgment she's been acting erratically for the better part of a year. Cohen too sent Lynch a message last fall spelling out his concern in verse: You can't tell the difference between a threat / and a helping hand, he wrote. You can't tell the difference between a threat / and a solemn warning / from one of the few people / who still cares about you and your family.
Lynch's apparent troubles have had punishing legal consequences. Lindsay has obtained a temporary restraining order that prevents her from visiting her son. Tara Cooper, a former employee of a greeting card company Lynch started while still in Cohen's employ, has taken out a similar order after alleging that Lynch sent threatening emails and harassed her by phone. And two of her creditors -- upscale department stores Neiman Marcus and Bergdorf Goodman -- have filed collections claims against her in Los Angeles Superior Court.
This is the mess that Leonard Cohen -- a man many believe floats a few inches above the ground -- finds himself in. These days, he's Zen-like. In the course of a long interview by phone from his home in Los Angeles, the man sometimes called the poet laureate of pessimism sounded almost bemused. "What can I do?" he asks. "I had to go to work. I have no money left. I'm not saying it's bad; I have enough of an understanding of the way the world works to understand that these things happen."
His first choice of action when he learned his money was gone, he says, was to not do anything. Aware of how painful litigation could be, he says he wanted no part of it. "I said, 'I can walk away with nothing.' I said, 'Let me start again. Let me start fresh at 70. I can cobble together a little nest egg again.' " But he ran into a glaring, immediate problem: had he done nothing, he would have legally been responsible for the funds that had gone missing. And on that money, he'd owe millions in taxes, a sum he no longer had.
His next step, "his second-best choice," was to negotiate with his advisers about the missing money. He approached Lynch, asking her to open her books. "She resolutely and unconditionally refused to open her books to any scrutiny whatsoever and instead began a bizarre email campaign to discredit me in some kind of way, which has gone all over the place," Cohen says, adding that he's launching a lawsuit this week with great reluctance. "I don't want anybody hurt. It's not my nature to pursue and to contend with people that way." Cohen says all he wants is to find out where the money went. "I'm not accusing her of theft," he says of Lynch. Still, his countersuit will likely describe how money was removed from his accounts.
Cohen appears to have been blindsided by Greenberg's lawsuit. He insists that he and Kory were in the midst of mediation with Greenberg when the financial adviser's lawsuit was suddenly and unexpectedly filed. He says the mediation had been confidential, at Greenberg's urging, as he feared for his reputation. In an email to Greenberg, Cohen urges him to make good. "Dear Neal, I believed in you. I depended on you," Cohen wrote in November 2004. "When things went wrong, does it make any sense that you would make your warnings available to the only person in the cosmos who had an interest in deceiving me? A single, simple email informing me that my accounts were being emptied would have been enough. I answered EVERY SINGLE EMAIL you ever sent me. Fortunately, I have them all.
"Face up to it, Neal," the email continues, "and square your shoulders: You were the trusted guardian of my assets, and you let them slip away . . . Restore what you lost, and sleep well." In his sign-off, Cohen delivered as much a piece of advice as his own philosophy: "Put this behind you and it will dissolve." There's an irony here, that a man who has struggled much of his life to distance himself from the material world now, at 70, finds himself in an intense battle with it. Still, he's not defeated. "This has propelled us into incessant work," he says of himself and Thomas. He exudes optimism about their new CD. "It's one of the best albums I've heard." It's not closing time quite yet.
With CHARLIE GILLIS and BRIAN D. JOHNSON
Click here for the Brian Johnson article.
Click here for the Katherine Macklem article, transcribed below.
A 'devastated' Leonard Cohen
The Canadian music icon is broke and the lawsuits are flying. It's a sordid tale involving allegations of extortion, SWAT teams, forcible confinement, tax troubles and betrayal.
KATHERINE MACKLEM
I said there's been a flood
I said there's nothing left
-- Leonard Cohen, from The Letters, on his album Dear Heather
Take an iconic artist, mix in missing millions, hints of tantric sex, a lawsuit replete with other salacious details, and a ruptured relationship with a long-time, trusted associate, and you've got the makings of a Hollywood blockbuster. Except in the case of Leonard Cohen, it's a true tale, with the bizarre twist of a Tibetan Buddhist suing a Zen Buddhist, Cohen. For the 70-year-old poet, singer and songwriter, it's a nasty, rapidly escalating legal battle that on the one hand accuses him of conspiracy and extortion, and on the other has him accusing both his highly trusted personal manager and long-time financial adviser -- the Tibetan Buddhist -- of gross mismanagement of his financial affairs. The case exposes not only private details of Cohen's finances, but also a dramatic tale of betrayal.
The conflict, which Cohen and others have tried to keep out of public view, has left him virtually broke -- he's had to take out a mortgage on his house to pay legal costs -- and facing a multi-million-dollar tax bill. But the artist, who is soon to release a new album with his collaborator -- and current girlfriend -- Anjani Thomas, is today remarkably calm about the potentially embarrassing conflict. Still, when he discovered last fall that his retirement funds, which he had thought amounted to more than $5 million (all figures U.S.), had been reduced to $150,000, he wasn't so sanguine. "I was devastated," Cohen says. "You know, God gave me a strong inner core, so I wasn't shattered. But I was deeply concerned."
So far, only one formal court filing involving Cohen has been made. In June, Boulder, Colo.-based Neal Greenberg, Cohen's investment adviser of almost a decade, launched a hyperbole-laden claim in Colorado against Cohen, who lives in both Los Angeles and Montreal. The suit accuses Kelley Lynch, who was Cohen's manager and is also named in the suit, of siphoning money from the songwriter. It also accuses Cohen and his lawyer Robert Kory of conspiracy, extortion and defamation. It alleges the two, in an attempt to recover at least some of Cohen's lost money, threatened to besmirch Greenberg's reputation and concocted a plan to force Greenberg to give Cohen millions of dollars.
The suit paints an almost preposterous picture of Cohen as an artist who led a lavish celebrity lifestyle and then turned bitter and vindictive when he discovered the money had run out. For example, the suit quotes Lynch describing how Cohen demanded she discuss business matters while he soaked in a bubble bath, and how later he was somehow involved in calling a SWAT team to her home, where she was handcuffed and forcibly taken to a psychiatric ward while in her bathing suit.
None of the allegations have been proven in court. Cohen is expected to file a countersuit this week. More lawsuits are likely to join the fray. And Lynch, who has sent turgid, raw and wrathful emails hither and yon, is threatening to sue just about everyone.
The conflict was triggered last fall when Cohen was tipped off by an insider that a lot of money was missing from his accounts. All that remained of his retirement savings was the $150,000, funds that today he can't get at as a result of the tangled legal web he finds himself in. Greenberg's suit portrays the soulful songwriter as an artist who paid little attention to his financial affairs and so was easily duped by a conniving personal manager. Cohen says he tried quietly, and confidentially, to find out from his various managers where the money had gone. Cohen calls the case "a tragedy," suggesting he was exploited by trusted advisers. He uses words like "greed, concealment, and reckless disregard," and says firmly he did nothing wrong. "I can assure you, within reason, I took every precaution except to question the fidelity of my closest associates."
Until Cohen fired her last fall, Kelley Lynch had been his personal manager for almost 17 years. Back in 1988, she'd been working as an assistant to his then-manager, who died that year. Because she was knowledgeable about Cohen's business affairs and recording contracts, he had her take over. Over the years, the two developed a personal and professional relationship. Fifteen years ago, they had a brief affair. "It was a casual sexual arrangement. It was mutually enjoyed and terminated," he says. "I never spent the night." The end of the affair didn't affect their bond. "We were very, very close friends," Cohen says today. "I liked her immensely. Our families were close -- she was helpful when I was raising my daughter; I employed her father." He even named her in his living will, giving her the power to decide, in certain circumstances, if he would live or die. He handed her vast powers of attorney. He trusted her implicitly. And he believed the relationship was mutual. "She wrote dozens of emails to me, thanking me for my help. We used to correspond regularly, relentlessly." He says that in 2004, while he was recording his most recent album, Dear Heather, with a small team at his home-recording studio, Lynch would come by almost daily. "People were very tight. Kelley was taking care of business, I was producing the album. It was all taking place in this little duplex and the garage that was converted into a studio. Kelley would come over, and I would generally prepare lunch for everyone."
The cosy arrangement was shattered one day last October when a young man, the boyfriend of a casual employee of Lynch, spoke to Cohen's daughter, Lorca, who owns an art deco furniture store and who lives downstairs from her father in the L.A. duplex he owns. "Your father really ought to look into his accounts, because he might be surprised at what he finds," he said. Lorca told him that her father trusted everyone involved and that besides, "he's about to retire, anyway." As Cohen senior tells the story, the young man replied, "He won't be able to retire."
Alarmed, Lorca called her father, who was in Montreal. Within a couple of days, he returned to Los Angeles and immediately went to his bank. There he discovered, as he puts it, "improprieties." Lynch had linked her American Express bill directly to his personal chequing account, he says, and just days before his visit to the bank, he'd paid a $75,000 Amex bill on her behalf. He never learned what purchases the card had been used for, but says the credit card company reimbursed him. Cohen immediately removed Lynch's signing powers on the accounts. The next day, Cohen told Lynch she no longer had access to the bank accounts and he fired her. That afternoon, Cohen says the bank notified him that Lynch went to a different branch and attempted to withdraw $40,000 from one of his accounts. He then called a lawyer and brought in a forensic accounting firm, Moss-Adams, which, in an investigation of all of Cohen's holdings, discovered "massive improprieties." In all, the accountants discovered about $8.4 million had over time disappeared from his holdings, Cohen says. His retirement funds had been virtually depleted.
Neal Greenberg, a banker with a thriving investment firm, had been brought in by Lynch to manage Cohen's money in 1996, two years after Cohen went up Mount Baldy to study to be a Rinzai Zen Buddhist monk. But now, he was worried. Over two decades, Greenberg had built a successful company, the Agile Group, and managed more than half-a-billion dollars of other people's money. He enjoyed, as he says in his suit, a "spotless professional reputation." And suddenly, here was Leonard Cohen, not just a prized client but one with a high profile, suggesting that Greenberg was party to the disappearance of Cohen's retirement savings.
Over the years, he says, he warned Cohen that his funds were being rapidly depleted, but it seemed the artist paid no heed. And now, Cohen and his lawyer, Kory, claims the Greenberg suit, were threatening "that Cohen would go out on tour to promote his new album and give interviews to reporters in which he would insinuate that he was touring because he had been bankrupted by improprieties by Greenberg and other financial advisers." Greenberg must have envisioned his business and his career in absolute tatters. He sued.
Greenberg's lawsuit lays out the business background to the dispute. Cohen's success as a singer and songwriter generated millions in royalties, the suit says, and in the 1990s, Lynch, as Cohen's trusted personal manager, began to investigate auctioning his intellectual properties, including copyrights to his song catalogue and continuing royalties for his songs. Lynch, along with a tax consultant named Richard Westin, arranged two deals for Cohen's properties. The transactions were eventually completed, one in 1997, the other in 2001, with Sony Music. From the first sale, about $5 million was transferred to trusts that Greenberg had been enlisted to manage and that would protect Cohen from an upfront tax hit. Greenberg says he invested the proceeds wisely, making lots of money for the trusts. But Greenberg also claims that Cohen's "consistent and prolific spending" to support "his extravagant 'celebrity' lifestyle" eroded the gains he had made on his client's behalf.
The second sale of Cohen's intellectual property, in 2001, was for $8 million. With Westin, Lynch put that money into a newly formed company named Traditional Holdings LLC that also was intended to shield Cohen's earnings from a major tax hit. Lynch was named as owner of 99.5 per cent of the company, leaving Cohen holding just 0.5 per cent. Greenberg alleges that Cohen, well aware of the structure and its dangers, signed off on it. Westin had explained to Cohen, the suit says, that "the plan would only work if Cohen and Lynch maintained (as they had in the past) a long-term relationship of personal and professional trust." Traditional Holdings could also issue loans to its owners, Lynch and Cohen.
As soon as the new company was in place, "Greenberg was immediately alarmed by Cohen's desire and tendency to treat this company [Traditional Holdings] like his personal piggy bank," the lawsuit alleges. It goes on to claim Cohen took a $1-million advance on the second sale of assets to Sony, Lynch took a commission of $1.1 million, and fees for lawyers and accountants ate up another $714,000. And then, over the next few years, Lynch regularly borrowed money from the Traditional Holdings account in amounts of tens of thousands of dollars, sometimes for herself, sometimes acting for Cohen. The lawsuit claims that while Greenberg sent a monthly email statement to Cohen, it was always Lynch who told Greenberg to release the loans.
The Greenberg suit claims Lynch, always acting as Cohen's agent, told Greenberg what to do regarding the funds. For instance, Lynch instructed Greenberg to send Cohen the monthly email status reports, but Greenberg says she directed him to leave out day-to-day activities and the status of Traditional Holdings loans. Because the loans were to be repaid, Greenberg included them in the statements as assets, which meant that it appeared as though nothing had been taken out.
Greenberg, who declined to comment for this article, claims in his suit he repeatedly stressed to Cohen that his spending was seriously draining his investments. In one warning letter, Greenberg told Cohen that Traditional Holdings had only $2.1 million left. Considering how quickly the money was leaving the account, Greenberg wrote, "I think you should consider your situation quite desperate." It's not clear if Cohen ever received this letter. On this, Cohen and Greenberg agree: they say many of Greenberg's attempted communications with Cohen were intercepted by Lynch.
On other points, Cohen disagrees. He was vitally interested in his financial affairs, he says. "It wasn't that I wasn't involved -- on the contrary, I took great pains to pay these professionals well and to solicit their advice and to follow it," he insists. "And, I was receiving a report every month from Neal Greenberg indicating that my retirement savings were safe." Cohen insists he was not made aware that Lynch had been named the majority owner of Traditional Holdings; instead, he says that in an early description of the company's structure, he had been told that his two children, Lorca and Adam, would be its principal owners. He says he was shocked to learn that Lynch had almost complete ownership. The mistake Cohen admits to is that "I paid close attention to everything except the possibility that my closest associate would embrace any irregularities in the discharge of her duties."
Cohen also says he learned only recently that the two sales of his intellectual property to Sony were unnecessary. He understands now that those properties earned roughly $400,000 a year, before taxes. That was plenty for him to support what he calls his modest lifestyle. Cohen accuses Lynch of creating the deals in order to boost her own income. He paid her 15 per cent of his income, which generally earned her $90,000 a year, he says. With the sales of his intellectual property bringing in revenue in the millions, it boosted her income to seven figures.
Greenberg's lawsuit becomes more disturbing as it describes what happened after Cohen realized he'd lost millions of dollars. Greenberg says Cohen pressured him to go after his firm's insurance company for the money to repay him. "Be a man," Cohen told Greenberg, the suit says. By threatening his reputation, it appeared to Greenberg that Cohen, on Kory's advice, had decided to target Greenberg's and his insurance company's deep pockets. Then, alleges the lawsuit, Cohen and Kory began to pressure Lynch to join them in "their extortion scheme." From November 2004 to April 2005, the lawsuit says, Kory repeatedly let Lynch know, sometimes directly, sometimes through friends or other intermediaries, that Cohen was ready to "forgive" Lynch's obligations to him, and that she in fact could receive a hefty cut of "whatever funds could be extorted from Greenberg and other advisers with her co-operation."
Greenberg's suit alleges that when Lynch refused to participate, Kory and Cohen vowed to "crush her." It goes on to say their "tactics to terrorize, silence, or disparage Lynch" included threatening her that she would go to jail, and "paying two paroled convicts to make statements that they had observed Lynch's older son brandishing a gun and threatening to kill someone."
Lynch's response, to all of this has been bitter, scattered and in some cases difficult to comprehend. In a rambling exchange of emails with Maclean's last week, she denied any wrongdoing. She also declined to discuss the Agile Group's lawsuit, describing it as "bogus" and "slanderous," while promising to file her own complaints against Cohen and other principal players in the case. She added her phone had been disconnected because she lacked money to pay the bills.
In the meantime, she's been showering Cohen and others with invective-laden emails that alternately voice misery and hurl accusations at friends and former colleagues. Many of these lament losing custody of her 12-year-old son, Ray, to his father, music producer Steve Lindsay. A few devolve into the outrightly bizarre. One missive, sent July 17 and obtained by Maclean's, invites Greenberg in highly explicit terms to Lynch's home for an evening of tantric sex. "First I want to study the inner channels with you," it says. "Why not -- let's see who is better at tantric sex -- you or me."
So troubling have the messages become that several people who know Lynch fear she's become unhinged. "I'm afraid she's suicidal," says Lindsay, her ex-husband, adding that in his judgment she's been acting erratically for the better part of a year. Cohen too sent Lynch a message last fall spelling out his concern in verse: You can't tell the difference between a threat / and a helping hand, he wrote. You can't tell the difference between a threat / and a solemn warning / from one of the few people / who still cares about you and your family.
Lynch's apparent troubles have had punishing legal consequences. Lindsay has obtained a temporary restraining order that prevents her from visiting her son. Tara Cooper, a former employee of a greeting card company Lynch started while still in Cohen's employ, has taken out a similar order after alleging that Lynch sent threatening emails and harassed her by phone. And two of her creditors -- upscale department stores Neiman Marcus and Bergdorf Goodman -- have filed collections claims against her in Los Angeles Superior Court.
This is the mess that Leonard Cohen -- a man many believe floats a few inches above the ground -- finds himself in. These days, he's Zen-like. In the course of a long interview by phone from his home in Los Angeles, the man sometimes called the poet laureate of pessimism sounded almost bemused. "What can I do?" he asks. "I had to go to work. I have no money left. I'm not saying it's bad; I have enough of an understanding of the way the world works to understand that these things happen."
His first choice of action when he learned his money was gone, he says, was to not do anything. Aware of how painful litigation could be, he says he wanted no part of it. "I said, 'I can walk away with nothing.' I said, 'Let me start again. Let me start fresh at 70. I can cobble together a little nest egg again.' " But he ran into a glaring, immediate problem: had he done nothing, he would have legally been responsible for the funds that had gone missing. And on that money, he'd owe millions in taxes, a sum he no longer had.
His next step, "his second-best choice," was to negotiate with his advisers about the missing money. He approached Lynch, asking her to open her books. "She resolutely and unconditionally refused to open her books to any scrutiny whatsoever and instead began a bizarre email campaign to discredit me in some kind of way, which has gone all over the place," Cohen says, adding that he's launching a lawsuit this week with great reluctance. "I don't want anybody hurt. It's not my nature to pursue and to contend with people that way." Cohen says all he wants is to find out where the money went. "I'm not accusing her of theft," he says of Lynch. Still, his countersuit will likely describe how money was removed from his accounts.
Cohen appears to have been blindsided by Greenberg's lawsuit. He insists that he and Kory were in the midst of mediation with Greenberg when the financial adviser's lawsuit was suddenly and unexpectedly filed. He says the mediation had been confidential, at Greenberg's urging, as he feared for his reputation. In an email to Greenberg, Cohen urges him to make good. "Dear Neal, I believed in you. I depended on you," Cohen wrote in November 2004. "When things went wrong, does it make any sense that you would make your warnings available to the only person in the cosmos who had an interest in deceiving me? A single, simple email informing me that my accounts were being emptied would have been enough. I answered EVERY SINGLE EMAIL you ever sent me. Fortunately, I have them all.
"Face up to it, Neal," the email continues, "and square your shoulders: You were the trusted guardian of my assets, and you let them slip away . . . Restore what you lost, and sleep well." In his sign-off, Cohen delivered as much a piece of advice as his own philosophy: "Put this behind you and it will dissolve." There's an irony here, that a man who has struggled much of his life to distance himself from the material world now, at 70, finds himself in an intense battle with it. Still, he's not defeated. "This has propelled us into incessant work," he says of himself and Thomas. He exudes optimism about their new CD. "It's one of the best albums I've heard." It's not closing time quite yet.
With CHARLIE GILLIS and BRIAN D. JOHNSON
Friday, August 19, 2005
Stop right where you are!
Don't name that baby just yet. You aren't as original as you think you are. Sure, little Madison won't have any trouble finding her name on a packet of pens at Card Party Giant in ten years but she might end up bitter that there are half a dozen other Madisons in her kindergarten class.
From the Social Security Administration, the top ten baby names for 2004:
BOYS:
GIRLS:
From the Social Security Administration, the top ten baby names for 2004:
BOYS:
- Jacob
- Michael
- Joshua
- Matthew
- Ethan
- Andrew
- Daniel
- William
- Joseph
- Christopher
GIRLS:
- Emily
- Emma
- Madison
- Olivia
- Hannah
- Abigail
- Isabella
- Ashley
- Samantha
- Elizabeth
Every Male I Know Should Pray That I Forget This Site by Christmas
Let's just call this online shopping day, shall we?
Let's get an essential fact out of the way. International Male is the mostest bestest retailer in the history of men's clothing.
If you're like me, you've spent many restless nights wondering where on earth you can find a black leather lace-up pirate shirt for the special man in your life. Fret no more.
Let's get an essential fact out of the way. International Male is the mostest bestest retailer in the history of men's clothing.
If you're like me, you've spent many restless nights wondering where on earth you can find a black leather lace-up pirate shirt for the special man in your life. Fret no more.
Finally! Online Shopping That Meets My Needs
There I was foolishly setting glue traps in the basement and back alley trying to catch rodents for my medical experiments. But as all of you know too well, in this weather a girl sleeps in for a few hours and wakes up to find that her freshly-killed mouse has become a putrescent carcass unfit for organ removal.
Along comes the internet and Harlan Bioproducts for Science to make my hobby more feasible. Rat brains for only $2.10 each!?! At these prices it's hard not to buy.
FYI...you can also order live animals for your research, such as beagles. Sweet.
Along comes the internet and Harlan Bioproducts for Science to make my hobby more feasible. Rat brains for only $2.10 each!?! At these prices it's hard not to buy.
FYI...you can also order live animals for your research, such as beagles. Sweet.
Top 50 Most Shoplifted Items
The Food Marketing Institute lists the top fifty most shoplifted items at grocery stores.
You can click above to read the entire list. All indications are that the top shoplifters are females who are either suffering from awful menstrual cramps or the stress of thinking they might be knocked up. Condoms are not in the top fifty items but baby formula is. God bless America.
The top four are:
You can click above to read the entire list. All indications are that the top shoplifters are females who are either suffering from awful menstrual cramps or the stress of thinking they might be knocked up. Condoms are not in the top fifty items but baby formula is. God bless America.
The top four are:
- Advil - 50 count
- Advil - 100 count
- Aleve - 100 count
- EPT Pregnancy Test - single
Thursday, August 18, 2005
Governor Taft Pleads No Contest
Breaking news from the Blade.
COLUMBUS - Gov. Bob Taft was convicted Thursday on four charges of violating state ethics laws by failing to report golf outings with lobbyists and other Ohio powerbrokers.
The governor pleaded no contest, a plea that does not require an
admission of guilt, to the charges. He was fined $4,000 and will not
face jail time.
"No one is above the law in the state of Ohio," Franklin County
Municipal Court Judge Mark Froehlich said, adding that the governor has a duty to "set an example for all citizens."
A visibly shaken Gov. Taft entered the courtroom with his wife, Hope,
and lawyer, William Meeks. State highway patrolmen stood behind the governor as he entered his plea.
"I'm very disappointed in myself," he told the judge.
In addition to the fine, Judge Froehlich ordered the governor to write
a letter of apology to the citizens of Ohio during the next seven
days.
Gov. Taft exluded 52 golf outings, meals, and hockey tickets worth a
combined $6,000 from his annual financial disclosures with the Ohio
Ethics Commission.
The four misdemeanors apply to each year, between 2001 and 2004, that Gov. Taft knowingly submitted incomplete ethics forms.
The charges are part of the larger probe into Tom Noe, the Republican fund-raiser who controlled a $50 million rare coin investment for the Ohio Bureau of Workers' Compensation.
Approximately $13 million is missing from the coin funds managed by Mr. Noe, who is also under investigation for laundering contributions to President Bush's 2004 re-election campaign.
The governor played golf with Mr. Noe at the prestigious Inverness
Club in Toledo in 2001, 2002, and 2003, but did not reveal the outings
on his ethics forms.
A mere five days after his July 26, 2002 round of golf with the
governor, Mr. Noe received an additional $25 million from the bureau,
supplementing the $25 million he received in 1998.
At a press conference outside the courtroom, Gov. Taft said that he
realized there were problems with his ethics filings because of the
news articles written about Mr. Noe.
"I accept total responsibility for my mistake, and I'm sorry," Gov. Taft said.
Mr. Noe's downfall has already led to two former Taft aides being convicted. The governor's former chief of staff, Brian Hicks, and Mr. Hick's former assistant, Cherie Carroll, were convicted earlier this month for ethics violations. Both were given $1,000 fines.
During the past two months, Gov. Taft has repeatedly stated he will
not resign for lapses in ethics, even though he forced other members
of his administration to step down for lesser offenses.
Under the governor's watch, Randy Fischer, executive director of the
Ohio School Facilities Commission, pleaded guilty two misdemeanors for accepting free rounds of golf. Gov. Taft asked him to resign.
Former Consumers' Counsel Rob Tongren - who also resigned - admitted to four misdemeanors for similar ethics violations.
Franklin County Prosecutor Ron O'Brien said yesterday that the
governor "fully cooperated" with the Ethics Commission, whose two
month investigation ended August 11.
Mr. O'Brien did not rule out bringing additional criminal charges
against the governor if continuing investigations show that he
violated other state laws by permitting his relationships with Mr. Noe
and other business leaders to shape his decisions.
What I don't get is how he illegally got $6000 worth of free stuff yet was fined only $4000. If you don't count his attorney fees, Taft still saved $2000. Taft didn't even need a lawyer with a no contest plea. Where's the punishment? I think he should have been fined $12,000 - double what he got in freebies. It's nothing to a wealthy person like him but it sends the message that if a politician accepts illegal gifts, they could end up costing him double their value.
By the way...when are we going to impeach the smarmy bastard?
COLUMBUS - Gov. Bob Taft was convicted Thursday on four charges of violating state ethics laws by failing to report golf outings with lobbyists and other Ohio powerbrokers.
The governor pleaded no contest, a plea that does not require an
admission of guilt, to the charges. He was fined $4,000 and will not
face jail time.
"No one is above the law in the state of Ohio," Franklin County
Municipal Court Judge Mark Froehlich said, adding that the governor has a duty to "set an example for all citizens."
A visibly shaken Gov. Taft entered the courtroom with his wife, Hope,
and lawyer, William Meeks. State highway patrolmen stood behind the governor as he entered his plea.
"I'm very disappointed in myself," he told the judge.
In addition to the fine, Judge Froehlich ordered the governor to write
a letter of apology to the citizens of Ohio during the next seven
days.
Gov. Taft exluded 52 golf outings, meals, and hockey tickets worth a
combined $6,000 from his annual financial disclosures with the Ohio
Ethics Commission.
The four misdemeanors apply to each year, between 2001 and 2004, that Gov. Taft knowingly submitted incomplete ethics forms.
The charges are part of the larger probe into Tom Noe, the Republican fund-raiser who controlled a $50 million rare coin investment for the Ohio Bureau of Workers' Compensation.
Approximately $13 million is missing from the coin funds managed by Mr. Noe, who is also under investigation for laundering contributions to President Bush's 2004 re-election campaign.
The governor played golf with Mr. Noe at the prestigious Inverness
Club in Toledo in 2001, 2002, and 2003, but did not reveal the outings
on his ethics forms.
A mere five days after his July 26, 2002 round of golf with the
governor, Mr. Noe received an additional $25 million from the bureau,
supplementing the $25 million he received in 1998.
At a press conference outside the courtroom, Gov. Taft said that he
realized there were problems with his ethics filings because of the
news articles written about Mr. Noe.
"I accept total responsibility for my mistake, and I'm sorry," Gov. Taft said.
Mr. Noe's downfall has already led to two former Taft aides being convicted. The governor's former chief of staff, Brian Hicks, and Mr. Hick's former assistant, Cherie Carroll, were convicted earlier this month for ethics violations. Both were given $1,000 fines.
During the past two months, Gov. Taft has repeatedly stated he will
not resign for lapses in ethics, even though he forced other members
of his administration to step down for lesser offenses.
Under the governor's watch, Randy Fischer, executive director of the
Ohio School Facilities Commission, pleaded guilty two misdemeanors for accepting free rounds of golf. Gov. Taft asked him to resign.
Former Consumers' Counsel Rob Tongren - who also resigned - admitted to four misdemeanors for similar ethics violations.
Franklin County Prosecutor Ron O'Brien said yesterday that the
governor "fully cooperated" with the Ethics Commission, whose two
month investigation ended August 11.
Mr. O'Brien did not rule out bringing additional criminal charges
against the governor if continuing investigations show that he
violated other state laws by permitting his relationships with Mr. Noe
and other business leaders to shape his decisions.
What I don't get is how he illegally got $6000 worth of free stuff yet was fined only $4000. If you don't count his attorney fees, Taft still saved $2000. Taft didn't even need a lawyer with a no contest plea. Where's the punishment? I think he should have been fined $12,000 - double what he got in freebies. It's nothing to a wealthy person like him but it sends the message that if a politician accepts illegal gifts, they could end up costing him double their value.
By the way...when are we going to impeach the smarmy bastard?
How to Juggle Three Balls
Warning: Not for the Faint of Heart
These images are too disturbing to not post. I apologize in advance.
Behold, the newly buff Carrot Top:
Behold, the newly buff Carrot Top:
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Pub Sub
The people at Pub Sub track how often I link to and am linked by others. That makes them bigger dorks than me.
Maslow Can Suck It
| Maslow Inventory Results |
| Physiological Needs (74%) you appear to have a deficiency in your basic needs. Safety Needs (50%) you appear to have an adequately secure environment. Love Needs (60%) you appear to be semi-content with the quality of your social connections. Esteem Needs (60%) you appear to have a medium level of skill competence. Self-Actualization (50%) you appear to have an average level of individual development. |
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Narcissistic My Beautiful Ass
| Personality Disorder Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
Evangelical Scientists Refute Gravity With New 'Intelligent Falling' Theory
I just love the Onion!
KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.
According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.
The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."
"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.
Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.
"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."
Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.
"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."
"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"
Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.
"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."
KANSAS CITY, KS—As the debate over the teaching of evolution in public schools continues, a new controversy over the science curriculum arose Monday in this embattled Midwestern state. Scientists from the Evangelical Center For Faith-Based Reasoning are now asserting that the long-held "theory of gravity" is flawed, and they have responded to it with a new theory of Intelligent Falling.
"Things fall not because they are acted upon by some gravitational force, but because a higher intelligence, 'God' if you will, is pushing them down," said Gabriel Burdett, who holds degrees in education, applied Scripture, and physics from Oral Roberts University.
Burdett added: "Gravity—which is taught to our children as a law—is founded on great gaps in understanding. The laws predict the mutual force between all bodies of mass, but they cannot explain that force. Isaac Newton himself said, 'I suspect that my theories may all depend upon a force for which philosophers have searched all of nature in vain.' Of course, he is alluding to a higher power."
Founded in 1987, the ECFR is the world's leading institution of evangelical physics, a branch of physics based on literal interpretation of the Bible.
According to the ECFR paper published simultaneously this week in the International Journal Of Science and the adolescent magazine God's Word For Teens!, there are many phenomena that cannot be explained by secular gravity alone, including such mysteries as how angels fly, how Jesus ascended into Heaven, and how Satan fell when cast out of Paradise.
The ECFR, in conjunction with the Christian Coalition and other Christian conservative action groups, is calling for public-school curriculums to give equal time to the Intelligent Falling theory. They insist they are not asking that the theory of gravity be banned from schools, but only that students be offered both sides of the issue "so they can make an informed decision."
"We just want the best possible education for Kansas' kids," Burdett said.
Proponents of Intelligent Falling assert that the different theories used by secular physicists to explain gravity are not internally consistent. Even critics of Intelligent Falling admit that Einstein's ideas about gravity are mathematically irreconcilable with quantum mechanics. This fact, Intelligent Falling proponents say, proves that gravity is a theory in crisis.
"Let's take a look at the evidence," said ECFR senior fellow Gregory Lunsden."In Matthew 15:14, Jesus says, 'And if the blind lead the blind, both shall fall into the ditch.' He says nothing about some gravity making them fall—just that they will fall. Then, in Job 5:7, we read, 'But mankind is born to trouble, as surely as sparks fly upwards.' If gravity is pulling everything down, why do the sparks fly upwards with great surety? This clearly indicates that a conscious intelligence governs all falling."
Critics of Intelligent Falling point out that gravity is a provable law based on empirical observations of natural phenomena. Evangelical physicists, however, insist that there is no conflict between Newton's mathematics and Holy Scripture.
"Closed-minded gravitists cannot find a way to make Einstein's general relativity match up with the subatomic quantum world," said Dr. Ellen Carson, a leading Intelligent Falling expert known for her work with the Kansan Youth Ministry. "They've been trying to do it for the better part of a century now, and despite all their empirical observation and carefully compiled data, they still don't know how."
"Traditional scientists admit that they cannot explain how gravitation is supposed to work," Carson said. "What the gravity-agenda scientists need to realize is that 'gravity waves' and 'gravitons' are just secular words for 'God can do whatever He wants.'"
Some evangelical physicists propose that Intelligent Falling provides an elegant solution to the central problem of modern physics.
"Anti-falling physicists have been theorizing for decades about the 'electromagnetic force,' the 'weak nuclear force,' the 'strong nuclear force,' and so-called 'force of gravity,'" Burdett said. "And they tilt their findings toward trying to unite them into one force. But readers of the Bible have already known for millennia what this one, unified force is: His name is Jesus."
The Quiz Party Isn't Over
| Freudian Inventory Results |
| Oral (50%) you appear to have a good balance of independence and interdependence knowing when to accept help and when to do things on your own. Anal (50%) you appear to have a good balance of self control and spontaneity, order and chaos, variety and selectivity. Phallic (80%) you appear to have issues with controlling your sexual desires and possibly fidelity. Latency (60%) you appear to have a good balance of abstract knowledge seeking and practicality, dealing with real world responsibilities while still cultivating your abstract and creative faculties and interests. Genital (66%) you appear to have a progressive and openminded outlook on life unbeholden to regressive forces like traditional authority and convention. |
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Vitally Important Quiz Results
| Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results
|
personality tests by similarminds.com
| Trait | . | low score | high score |
| Sociability | 60% | socially reserved, detached | friendly, open |
| Aggressiveness | 24% | mild mannered, uncompetitive | predatory, domineering |
| Assertiveness | 76% | introverted, loner | controlling, aggressive |
| Activity Level | 33% | relaxed, laid back | vigorous, high energy |
| Excitement-Seeking | 62% | sedate, restrained | adventurous, wild |
| Enthusiasm | 44% | somber, pessimistic | cheerful, optimistic |
| Trust | 65% | suspicious of others | trusting of others |
| Submissiveness | 40% | rebellious, lawless | dutiful, obedient, compliant |
| Altruism | 60% | selfish, cold, austere | helpful, selfless, indulgent |
| Cooperation | 51% | argumentitive, confrontational | conflict averse, meek |
| Modesty | 46% | arrogant, self-satisfied | humble, unassuming, doormat |
| Sympathy | 59% | callous, heartless | empathetic, warm |
| Confidence | 70% | not confident in work | confident in work, egoistic |
| Neatness | 61% | disorganized, messy | planner, clean, anal |
| Dutifulness | 9% | dishonest, derelict | honest, rule abiding, proper |
| Achievement | 32% | lazy, unmotivated | driven, goal oriented |
| Self-Discipline | 38% | procrastinator | responsible, efficient |
| Cautiousness | 43% | spontaneous, daring, reckless | careful, controlled, safe |
| Anxiety | 1% | relaxed, fearless | fearful, worrier |
| Volatility | 31% | calm, cool | touchy, tempermental |
| Depression | 55% | content, balanced | emotional, self hating |
| Self-Consciousness | 22% | confident, assured | low self esteem, shy |
| Impulsiveness | 76% | high self control | low self control |
| Vulnerability | 47% | resilient, unphased | confused, helpless |
| Imagination | 79% | practical, realistic | dreamer, unrealistic |
| Artistic Interests | 52% | artistic indifference | art, nature, beauty lover |
| Introspection | 72% | not self reflective | self searching |
| Adventurousness | 80% | conventional, safe | spontaneous, bold |
| Intellect | 84% | instinctive, non-analytical | intellectual, analytical |
| Liberalism | 82% | conservative, traditional | progressive, open |
Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test
personality tests by similarminds.com
Reason #46450 Never to Get Married
Crikey...think that having your significant other forget your birthday is bad? It could be worse. Pravda reports that a Macedonian man forgot his wife at a gas station for six hours. He didn't remember on his own, either - the police had to find him. I could understand driving away without someone. But not noticing the wife was gone for six hours!?! What dazzling conversationalists the husband and wife must be.
I realize that Pravda's Fun Reports are largely hooey but come on...we all know this sort of thing could easily happen.
I realize that Pravda's Fun Reports are largely hooey but come on...we all know this sort of thing could easily happen.
Tuesday, August 16, 2005
Somebody Throw Another Nanny at Jude Law ASAP
Sources report that Jude Law and Sienna Miller are definitely back together. Foiled again!
Gossip
From the New York Times:
"Have You Heard? Gossip Turns Out to Serve a Purpose"
Juicy gossip moves so quickly - He did what? She has pictures? - that few people have time to cover their ears, even if they wanted to.
"I heard a lot in the hallway, on the way to class," said Mady Miraglia, 35, a high school history teacher in Los Gatos, Calif., speaking about a previous job, where she got a running commentary from fellow teachers on the sexual peccadilloes and classroom struggles of her colleagues.
"To be honest, it made me feel better as a teacher to hear others being put down," she said. "I was out there on my own, I had no sense of how I was doing in class, and the gossip gave me some connection. And I felt like it gave me status, knowing information, being on the inside."
Gossip has long been dismissed by researchers as little more than background noise, blather with no useful function. But some investigators now say that gossip should be central to any study of group interaction.
People find it irresistible for good reason: Gossip not only helps clarify and enforce the rules that keep people working well together, studies suggest, but it circulates crucial information about the behavior of others that cannot be published in an office manual. As often as it sullies reputations, psychologists say, gossip offers a foothold for newcomers in a group and a safety net for group members who feel in danger of falling out.
"There has been a tendency to denigrate gossip as sloppy and unreliable" and unworthy of serious study, said David Sloan Wilson, a professor of biology and anthropology at the State University of New York at Binghamton and the author of "Darwin's Cathedral," a book on evolution and group behavior. "But gossip appears to be a very sophisticated, multifunctional interaction which is important in policing behaviors in a group and defining group membership."
When two or more people huddle to share inside information about another person who is absent, they are often spreading important news, and enacting a mutually protective ritual that may have evolved from early grooming behaviors, some biologists argue.
Long-term studies of Pacific Islanders, American middle-school children and residents of rural Newfoundland and Mexico, among others, have confirmed that the content and frequency of gossip are universal: people devote anywhere from a fifth to two-thirds or more of their daily conversation to gossip, and men appear to be just as eager for the skinny as women.
Sneaking, lying and cheating among friends or acquaintances make for the most savory material, of course, and most people pass on their best nuggets to at least two other people, surveys find.
This grapevine branches out through almost every social group and it functions, in part, to keep people from straying too far outside the group's rules, written and unwritten, social scientists find.
In one recent experiment, Dr. Wilson led a team of researchers who asked a group of 195 men and women to rate their approval or disapproval of several situations in which people talked behind the back of a neighbor. In one, a rancher complained to other ranchers that his neighbor had neglected to fix a fence, allowing cattle to wander and freeload. The report was accurate, and the students did not disapprove of the gossip.
But men in particular, the researchers found, strongly objected if the rancher chose to keep mum about the fence incident.
"Plain and simple he should have told about the problem to warn other ranchers," wrote one study participant, expressing a common sentiment that, in this case, a failure to gossip put the group at risk.
"We're told we're not supposed to gossip, that our reputation plummets, but in this context there may be an expectation that you should gossip: you're obligated to tell, like an informal version of the honor code at military academies," Dr. Wilson said.
This rule-enforcing dynamic is hardly confined to the lab. For 18 months, Kevin Kniffin, an anthropologist at the University of Wisconsin, tracked the social interactions of a university crew team, about 50 men and women who rowed together in groups of four or eight.
Dr. Kniffin said he was still analyzing his research notes. But a preliminary finding, he said, was that gossip levels peaked when the team included a slacker, a young man who regularly missed practices or showed up late. Fellow crew members joked about the slacker's sex life behind his back and made cruel cracks about his character and manhood, in part because the man's shortcoming reflected badly on the entire team.
"As soon as this guy left the team, the people were back to talking about radio, food, politics, weather, those sorts of things," Dr. Kniffin said. "There was very little negative gossip."
Given this protective group function, gossiping too little may be at least as risky as gossiping too much, some psychologists say. After all, scuttlebutt is the most highly valued social currency there is. While humor and story telling can warm any occasion, a good scoop spreads through a room like an illicit and irresistible drug, passed along in nods and crooked smiles, in discreet walks out to the balcony, the corridor, the powder room.
Knowing that your boss is cheating on his wife, or that a sister-in-law has a drinking problem or a rival has benefited from a secret trust fund may be enormously important, and in many cases change a person's behavior for the better.
"We all know people who are not calibrated to the social world at all, who if they participated in gossip sessions would learn a whole lot of stuff they need to know and can't learn anywhere else, like how reliable people are, how trustworthy," said Sarah Wert, a psychologist at Yale. "Not participating in gossip at some level can be unhealthy, and abnormal."
Talking out of school may also buffer against low-grade depressive moods. In one recent study, Dr. Wert had 84 college students write about a time in their lives when they felt particularly alienated socially, and also about a memory of being warmly accepted.
After finishing the task, Dr. Wert prompted the participants to gossip with a friend about a mutual acquaintance, as she filmed the exchanges. Those who rated their self-esteem highly showed a clear pattern: they spread good gossip when they felt accepted and a more derogatory brand when they felt marginalized.
The gossip may involve putting someone else down to feel better by comparison. Or it may simply be a way to connect with someone else and share insecurities. But the end result, she said, is often a healthy relief of social and professional anxiety.
Ms. Miraglia, the high school teacher, said that in her previous job she found it especially comforting to hear about more senior teachers' struggle to control difficult students. "It was my first job, and I felt overwhelmed, and to hear someone say, 'There's no control in that class' about another teacher, that helped build my confidence," she said.
She said she also heard about teachers who made inappropriate comments to students about sex, a clear violation of school policy and professional standards.
Adept gossipers usually sense which kinds of discreet talk are most likely to win acceptance from a particular group. For example, a closely knit corporate team with clear values - working late hours, for instance - will tend to embrace a person who gripes in private about a colleague who leaves early and shun one who complains about the late nights.
By contrast, a widely dispersed sales force may lap up gossip about colleagues, but take it lightly, allowing members to work however they please, said Eric K. Foster, a scholar at the Institute for Survey Research at Temple University in Philadelphia, who recently published an analysis of gossip research.
It is harder to judge how gossip will move through groups that are split into factions, like companies with divisions that are entirely independent, Dr. Foster said. "In these situations, it is the person who gravitates into a intermediate position, making connections between the factions, who controls the gossip flow and holds a lot of power," he said.
Such people can mask devious intentions, spread false rumors and manipulate others for years, as anyone who has worked in an organization for a long time knows. But to the extent that healthy gossip has evolved to protect social groups, it will also ultimately expose many of those who cheat and betray. Any particularly nasty gossip has an author or authors, after all, and any functioning gossip network builds up a memory.
So do the people who are tuned in to the network. In one 2004 study, psychologists had college students in Ohio fill out questionnaires, asking about the best gossip they had heard in the last week, the last month and the last year. The students then explained in writing what they learned by hearing the stories. Among the life lessons:
"Infidelity will eventually catch up with you," "Cheerful people are not necessarily happy people" and "Just because someone says they have pictures of something doesn't mean they do."
None of which they had learned in class.
"Have You Heard? Gossip Turns Out to Serve a Purpose"
Juicy gossip moves so quickly - He did what? She has pictures? - that few people have time to cover their ears, even if they wanted to.
"I heard a lot in the hallway, on the way to class," said Mady Miraglia, 35, a high school history teacher in Los Gatos, Calif., speaking about a previous job, where she got a running commentary from fellow teachers on the sexual peccadilloes and classroom struggles of her colleagues.
"To be honest, it made me feel better as a teacher to hear others being put down," she said. "I was out there on my own, I had no sense of how I was doing in class, and the gossip gave me some connection. And I felt like it gave me status, knowing information, being on the inside."
Gossip has long been dismissed by researchers as little more than background noise, blather with no useful function. But some investigators now say that gossip should be central to any study of group interaction.
People find it irresistible for good reason: Gossip not only helps clarify and enforce the rules that keep people working well together, studies suggest, but it circulates crucial information about the behavior of others that cannot be published in an office manual. As often as it sullies reputations, psychologists say, gossip offers a foothold for newcomers in a group and a safety net for group members who feel in danger of falling out.
"There has been a tendency to denigrate gossip as sloppy and unreliable" and unworthy of serious study, said David Sloan Wilson, a professor of biology and anthropology at the State University of New York at Binghamton and the author of "Darwin's Cathedral," a book on evolution and group behavior. "But gossip appears to be a very sophisticated, multifunctional interaction which is important in policing behaviors in a group and defining group membership."
When two or more people huddle to share inside information about another person who is absent, they are often spreading important news, and enacting a mutually protective ritual that may have evolved from early grooming behaviors, some biologists argue.
Long-term studies of Pacific Islanders, American middle-school children and residents of rural Newfoundland and Mexico, among others, have confirmed that the content and frequency of gossip are universal: people devote anywhere from a fifth to two-thirds or more of their daily conversation to gossip, and men appear to be just as eager for the skinny as women.
Sneaking, lying and cheating among friends or acquaintances make for the most savory material, of course, and most people pass on their best nuggets to at least two other people, surveys find.
This grapevine branches out through almost every social group and it functions, in part, to keep people from straying too far outside the group's rules, written and unwritten, social scientists find.
In one recent experiment, Dr. Wilson led a team of researchers who asked a group of 195 men and women to rate their approval or disapproval of several situations in which people talked behind the back of a neighbor. In one, a rancher complained to other ranchers that his neighbor had neglected to fix a fence, allowing cattle to wander and freeload. The report was accurate, and the students did not disapprove of the gossip.
But men in particular, the researchers found, strongly objected if the rancher chose to keep mum about the fence incident.
"Plain and simple he should have told about the problem to warn other ranchers," wrote one study participant, expressing a common sentiment that, in this case, a failure to gossip put the group at risk.
"We're told we're not supposed to gossip, that our reputation plummets, but in this context there may be an expectation that you should gossip: you're obligated to tell, like an informal version of the honor code at military academies," Dr. Wilson said.
This rule-enforcing dynamic is hardly confined to the lab. For 18 months, Kevin Kniffin, an anthropologist at the University of Wisconsin, tracked the social interactions of a university crew team, about 50 men and women who rowed together in groups of four or eight.
Dr. Kniffin said he was still analyzing his research notes. But a preliminary finding, he said, was that gossip levels peaked when the team included a slacker, a young man who regularly missed practices or showed up late. Fellow crew members joked about the slacker's sex life behind his back and made cruel cracks about his character and manhood, in part because the man's shortcoming reflected badly on the entire team.
"As soon as this guy left the team, the people were back to talking about radio, food, politics, weather, those sorts of things," Dr. Kniffin said. "There was very little negative gossip."
Given this protective group function, gossiping too little may be at least as risky as gossiping too much, some psychologists say. After all, scuttlebutt is the most highly valued social currency there is. While humor and story telling can warm any occasion, a good scoop spreads through a room like an illicit and irresistible drug, passed along in nods and crooked smiles, in discreet walks out to the balcony, the corridor, the powder room.
Knowing that your boss is cheating on his wife, or that a sister-in-law has a drinking problem or a rival has benefited from a secret trust fund may be enormously important, and in many cases change a person's behavior for the better.
"We all know people who are not calibrated to the social world at all, who if they participated in gossip sessions would learn a whole lot of stuff they need to know and can't learn anywhere else, like how reliable people are, how trustworthy," said Sarah Wert, a psychologist at Yale. "Not participating in gossip at some level can be unhealthy, and abnormal."
Talking out of school may also buffer against low-grade depressive moods. In one recent study, Dr. Wert had 84 college students write about a time in their lives when they felt particularly alienated socially, and also about a memory of being warmly accepted.
After finishing the task, Dr. Wert prompted the participants to gossip with a friend about a mutual acquaintance, as she filmed the exchanges. Those who rated their self-esteem highly showed a clear pattern: they spread good gossip when they felt accepted and a more derogatory brand when they felt marginalized.
The gossip may involve putting someone else down to feel better by comparison. Or it may simply be a way to connect with someone else and share insecurities. But the end result, she said, is often a healthy relief of social and professional anxiety.
Ms. Miraglia, the high school teacher, said that in her previous job she found it especially comforting to hear about more senior teachers' struggle to control difficult students. "It was my first job, and I felt overwhelmed, and to hear someone say, 'There's no control in that class' about another teacher, that helped build my confidence," she said.
She said she also heard about teachers who made inappropriate comments to students about sex, a clear violation of school policy and professional standards.
Adept gossipers usually sense which kinds of discreet talk are most likely to win acceptance from a particular group. For example, a closely knit corporate team with clear values - working late hours, for instance - will tend to embrace a person who gripes in private about a colleague who leaves early and shun one who complains about the late nights.
By contrast, a widely dispersed sales force may lap up gossip about colleagues, but take it lightly, allowing members to work however they please, said Eric K. Foster, a scholar at the Institute for Survey Research at Temple University in Philadelphia, who recently published an analysis of gossip research.
It is harder to judge how gossip will move through groups that are split into factions, like companies with divisions that are entirely independent, Dr. Foster said. "In these situations, it is the person who gravitates into a intermediate position, making connections between the factions, who controls the gossip flow and holds a lot of power," he said.
Such people can mask devious intentions, spread false rumors and manipulate others for years, as anyone who has worked in an organization for a long time knows. But to the extent that healthy gossip has evolved to protect social groups, it will also ultimately expose many of those who cheat and betray. Any particularly nasty gossip has an author or authors, after all, and any functioning gossip network builds up a memory.
So do the people who are tuned in to the network. In one 2004 study, psychologists had college students in Ohio fill out questionnaires, asking about the best gossip they had heard in the last week, the last month and the last year. The students then explained in writing what they learned by hearing the stories. Among the life lessons:
"Infidelity will eventually catch up with you," "Cheerful people are not necessarily happy people" and "Just because someone says they have pictures of something doesn't mean they do."
None of which they had learned in class.
Click on the picture to see a bigger, more readable version.
Way to Distance Yourself from the Republican Scandal, Dufus
From the Blade:
COLUMBUS - On the eve of what could be the pivotal week of his political career, Gov. Bob Taft said yesterday he's the one responsible for the "errors and omissions" of his ethics statements that have landed him on a collision course with prosecutors.
"I'm responsible for them, absolutely. It's my responsibility to file a correct report," Mr. Taft said yesterday after the annual livestock Sale of Champions at the Ohio State Fair.
The embattled governor, who returned during the weekend from a vacation to his family home in Quebec, is on the cusp of facing criminal charges for failing to report up to 60 golf outings on his state-required financial disclosure form. The Ohio Ethics Commission last week completed a report on Mr. Taft's case and is forwarding its findings to prosecutors.
Richard Pfeiffer, Columbus city attorney, said yesterday that his office this week will study the Ethics Commission's investigation and decide whether to file charges.
The governor yesterday declined to discuss whether the scandal could lead to his resignation.
"We are not going to talk about [that]," said Mr. Taft, who added that he did not know if his attorney was working on a plea agreement with prosecutors. "This process is still not complete; it's not finished. It wouldn't be proper to answer a number of those questions until the Ethics Commission provides its reports, and we provide the information to the public.
"And then, of course, we'll see what happens when the information goes over to the prosecutor," he said.
State law requires officeholders to disclose the source of gifts above $75. It's a first-degree misdemeanor to knowingly file a false ethics form, with a maximum penalty of six months in jail and/or a $1,000 fine.
Jewel (below)! Could he be dressed more like Bush? Um, Taft - the Republican Party in Ohio is falling from grace and you decide to dress like the guy most associated with it - pure genius. Ohio farmers don't dress like cowboys, stupid. Could someone find him a John Deere trucker-style hat?
Sporting a white cowboy hat, Mr. Taft spent two hours at the Sale of Champions. He helped take bids on the champion meat chickens, hog, lamb, and steer; posed for several photographs, handed out belt buckles, and spent four minutes talking to reporters before an aide halted questions.
Interviews with several Ohioans attending the finale of the state fair on a muggy day under threatening clouds didn't reveal much support or sympathy for the governor.
Velma Johnson, who described herself as a political independent, said if Mr. Taft is charged and convicted of violating state ethics law - even if it's in a no-contest plea in which he does not admit guilt - he should resign.
"I think if he is convicted of a crime, he should go to jail like an ordinary person,'' said Ms. Johnson, a 55-year-old assistant grocery store manager who lives in Trotwood, which is west of Dayton. "Just because he's governor doesn't make him special, not to me."
Standing outside the state fair building named after Richard Celeste, Ohio's last Democratic governor, Mike Short said he believes Mr. Taft's admission that he failed to disclose golf outings could be the "tip of the iceberg."
The key issues are who paid for Mr. Taft's golf outings that were not disclosed, what they and their companies wanted from the governor, and whether investigators have dug deeply enough into those questions, said Mr. Short, a 57-year-old sales representative and Republican who lives in the Columbus suburb of Dublin.
"If it comes down to where he had shown favoritism to those businesses that he played golf with, then I think there's an ethical problem there. They need to look deeper into that. If somebody is massaging him and they want to get into some business deal with the state for their betterment, that's totally wrong,'' Mr. Short said.
"I think he's betrayed the state. If his mission is to take care of the people, and generate business and income for the state, he's gone about it the wrong way,'' Mr. Short said.
If Mr. Taft wouldn't step down, then the legislature should remove him from office, said Mr. Short, who called on the governor to "divulge his activities."
Mr. Taft said full disclosure of the golf outings that were left off his disclosure statements will take place after the Ethics Commission files its report. In response to a public records request, Mr. Taft's office put out information on about 25 golf outings he has participated in since he took office in 1999 - but the records did not show who paid for his time on the links.
The outings included a round of golf with former Toledo-area coin dealer Tom Noe. Mr. Noe, who is facing multiple investigations, managed a $50 million rare-coin investment for the state, and Ohio Attorney General Jim Petro has accused him of stealing millions of dollars from the funds.
Mark Weaver, a Republican strategist, said during a telephone interview Friday that Mr. Taft must continue governing the state as the Ethics Commission process plays out.
"The governor is the governor through January, 2007," said Mark Weaver, a Republican strategist. "Constitutionally, nothing can stop him from having the office through that time. He needs to continue to govern and make decisions and manage the state. This will obviously be a continuing distraction for him."
If Mr. Taft hoped his participation in the Sale of Champions would provide a respite to the controversy over the golf outings and the Bureau of Workers' Compensation scandal, it wasn't working with Jim Borchers.
Jewel (below)! Isn't Rhodes another stupid Republican...the guy who ordered the Ohio National Guard to shoot hippie kids at Kent State? Ha ha ha...I guess enjoying the state fair is the biggest factor one should look at when evaluating a politician's performance in office.
Mr. Borchers, who raises horses in Delaware County north of Columbus, said he had fond childhood memories of Gov. Jim Rhodes attending the state fair.
"This guy is putting on a fraudulent act,'' Mr. Borchers said, referring to Mr. Taft in his white cowboy hat, white shirt, and blue pants. "He's here, but Rhodes really enjoyed it."
COLUMBUS - On the eve of what could be the pivotal week of his political career, Gov. Bob Taft said yesterday he's the one responsible for the "errors and omissions" of his ethics statements that have landed him on a collision course with prosecutors.
"I'm responsible for them, absolutely. It's my responsibility to file a correct report," Mr. Taft said yesterday after the annual livestock Sale of Champions at the Ohio State Fair.
The embattled governor, who returned during the weekend from a vacation to his family home in Quebec, is on the cusp of facing criminal charges for failing to report up to 60 golf outings on his state-required financial disclosure form. The Ohio Ethics Commission last week completed a report on Mr. Taft's case and is forwarding its findings to prosecutors.
Richard Pfeiffer, Columbus city attorney, said yesterday that his office this week will study the Ethics Commission's investigation and decide whether to file charges.
The governor yesterday declined to discuss whether the scandal could lead to his resignation.
"We are not going to talk about [that]," said Mr. Taft, who added that he did not know if his attorney was working on a plea agreement with prosecutors. "This process is still not complete; it's not finished. It wouldn't be proper to answer a number of those questions until the Ethics Commission provides its reports, and we provide the information to the public.
"And then, of course, we'll see what happens when the information goes over to the prosecutor," he said.
State law requires officeholders to disclose the source of gifts above $75. It's a first-degree misdemeanor to knowingly file a false ethics form, with a maximum penalty of six months in jail and/or a $1,000 fine.
Jewel (below)! Could he be dressed more like Bush? Um, Taft - the Republican Party in Ohio is falling from grace and you decide to dress like the guy most associated with it - pure genius. Ohio farmers don't dress like cowboys, stupid. Could someone find him a John Deere trucker-style hat?
Sporting a white cowboy hat, Mr. Taft spent two hours at the Sale of Champions. He helped take bids on the champion meat chickens, hog, lamb, and steer; posed for several photographs, handed out belt buckles, and spent four minutes talking to reporters before an aide halted questions.
Interviews with several Ohioans attending the finale of the state fair on a muggy day under threatening clouds didn't reveal much support or sympathy for the governor.
Velma Johnson, who described herself as a political independent, said if Mr. Taft is charged and convicted of violating state ethics law - even if it's in a no-contest plea in which he does not admit guilt - he should resign.
"I think if he is convicted of a crime, he should go to jail like an ordinary person,'' said Ms. Johnson, a 55-year-old assistant grocery store manager who lives in Trotwood, which is west of Dayton. "Just because he's governor doesn't make him special, not to me."
Standing outside the state fair building named after Richard Celeste, Ohio's last Democratic governor, Mike Short said he believes Mr. Taft's admission that he failed to disclose golf outings could be the "tip of the iceberg."
The key issues are who paid for Mr. Taft's golf outings that were not disclosed, what they and their companies wanted from the governor, and whether investigators have dug deeply enough into those questions, said Mr. Short, a 57-year-old sales representative and Republican who lives in the Columbus suburb of Dublin.
"If it comes down to where he had shown favoritism to those businesses that he played golf with, then I think there's an ethical problem there. They need to look deeper into that. If somebody is massaging him and they want to get into some business deal with the state for their betterment, that's totally wrong,'' Mr. Short said.
"I think he's betrayed the state. If his mission is to take care of the people, and generate business and income for the state, he's gone about it the wrong way,'' Mr. Short said.
If Mr. Taft wouldn't step down, then the legislature should remove him from office, said Mr. Short, who called on the governor to "divulge his activities."
Mr. Taft said full disclosure of the golf outings that were left off his disclosure statements will take place after the Ethics Commission files its report. In response to a public records request, Mr. Taft's office put out information on about 25 golf outings he has participated in since he took office in 1999 - but the records did not show who paid for his time on the links.
The outings included a round of golf with former Toledo-area coin dealer Tom Noe. Mr. Noe, who is facing multiple investigations, managed a $50 million rare-coin investment for the state, and Ohio Attorney General Jim Petro has accused him of stealing millions of dollars from the funds.
Mark Weaver, a Republican strategist, said during a telephone interview Friday that Mr. Taft must continue governing the state as the Ethics Commission process plays out.
"The governor is the governor through January, 2007," said Mark Weaver, a Republican strategist. "Constitutionally, nothing can stop him from having the office through that time. He needs to continue to govern and make decisions and manage the state. This will obviously be a continuing distraction for him."
If Mr. Taft hoped his participation in the Sale of Champions would provide a respite to the controversy over the golf outings and the Bureau of Workers' Compensation scandal, it wasn't working with Jim Borchers.
Jewel (below)! Isn't Rhodes another stupid Republican...the guy who ordered the Ohio National Guard to shoot hippie kids at Kent State? Ha ha ha...I guess enjoying the state fair is the biggest factor one should look at when evaluating a politician's performance in office.
Mr. Borchers, who raises horses in Delaware County north of Columbus, said he had fond childhood memories of Gov. Jim Rhodes attending the state fair.
"This guy is putting on a fraudulent act,'' Mr. Borchers said, referring to Mr. Taft in his white cowboy hat, white shirt, and blue pants. "He's here, but Rhodes really enjoyed it."
