TOLEDOTASTIC

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18). By now, you probably have the sneaking suspicion that you are part of someone else's grand plan. In fact, it's not another person who is responsible for the scheme at all, but the universe at large.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20). You're a visionary. In short, this means that yours is the advice that won't be followed today but that, years later, will be seen as "spot on." Being right isn't the most important thing in the world, but there's satisfaction in it.

ARIES
(March 21-April 19). You make yourself appropriate for the situation at hand. This is part of your mission as a gentle warrior -- to fit in until it is your time to rise up and affect the necessary change.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20). You do your best, even though your best is different from day to day. You're holding yourself to the standard you set -- let no one else set it for you. Tonight, there are sparks on the romantic front.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 21). Prestigious people ask about you. This adds up to something gratifying. Step out and be bold -- dare to do more than dream. Watch a small miracle unfold.

CANCER
(June 22-July 22). At work, a lighthearted flirtation warms the environment. At home, someone close loves you in ways he or she can't always show. Be generous with your attention, it means more than you know.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22). You approach your tasks with great conviction. This causes you to be ultra-productive in a short burst of time. A long, ponderous lunch alone would be a nice balance to today's hyperactivity.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Someone who boasts of his power is actually quite doubtful of it. So read the signs. It's best now to get "on board" with those who can do something for you, since you have much to offer.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Loving and being loved is the rich stuff of life. The problem is it's so easy to get love confused with other things, like wanting and vanity. Your unselfish devotion to others is a much-needed, shining example.

SCORPIO
(Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You joke that there are things you just "don't want to know" about. It's not a joke. Coming to consciousness can be painful and, in fact, mostly is. You're wise to wait until you do want to know.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Today features no great purpose or extraordinary project. That is, until you realize that your rather normal daily purpose and very ordinary projects are actually profound callings.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Your job requires more skill and ability than you think you have today. No worries! Dormant talents come alive when they are needed. You thrive on challenge better than any other sign!

This rates a big LOL.

Again with the gift ideas.

Eleganza!

Buy me something!

From The Blade:

Celtic harpist schedules free show at Owens

Celtic harpist and storyteller Patrick Ball is scheduled to present his show, The Fine Beauty of the Island, at 7 p.m. Monday in the Center for Fine and Performing Arts on the campus of Owens Community College.

The free show, sponsored by the northwest Ohio chapter of the American Harp Society, features Ball's musical journey to Ireland's Blasket Islands in search of a deeply haunting tune and the vanished islanders who played it. The performance is in the Mainstage Theatre.

Information: 567-661-7081 or harpist@sbcglobal.net

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18). You're graceful when it counts, and also when it doesn't seem to count at all. (Of course, that's when it counts even more!) There's a mess going on at work, which you may choose to stay out of completely. If not, be sure to gently but firmly document the role others play in the outcome. Libra is your sweet ally.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20). Others see you as responsible and accountable, which is why you are given the prime opportunities and resources Wednesday through Saturday. If love, humor, playfulness and glamour aren't part of the equation, however, you might just as well say "no." After all, you're no "beast of burden."

ARIES
(March 21-April 19). The early week provides you time and motivation to regroup. This last transition has been a long one for you. Stars indicate a prosperous upswing in your life after Wednesday. This weekend, you'll probably resolve that friends make better family since you choose them. Use them for their insight and support.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20). You spend now through Wednesday doing what does NOT come naturally. This takes courage, and loved ones are inspired by you. Romance awaits your acceptance, which you may not feel free to give until the weekend. Work is all-consuming, and you'd prefer to finish your project sooner rather than later.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 21). This week shows you going the extra mile for a friend in distress -- you'll never regret this kindness. Besides, it gets you out of your "stuff." Thursday brings a glimmer of the break you've been waiting for. The rest is coming soon. In the meantime, get back on that exercise routine so you're strong, healthy and ready.

CANCER
(June 22-July 22). What has been masquerading as love may in fact be something else -- infatuation, obsession, convenience. But real love shows its face this week. You know it because it's not pushy or impatient and needs only the slightest invitation to work its way into your actions and reactions. Love conquers all if you let it.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22). This week is about the way you define yourself. Some beliefs you have about who you are have confined you, and others have expanded you. Now you're changing what isn't working. Friendships could seem very "high school" this weekend. Better to gracefully excuse yourself than to take part in pettiness and gossip.

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Behind every great person stands many others who've helped along the way. Thursday is your chance to be one of those insightful, generous supporters who is wise enough to do the right thing. Friday, be sure to finish what you start. Projects that seem insignificant are not. Sagittarius friends lead you to romance.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 23). Being a fair and balanced type, you'd rather not come out against the opposition. You'd rather reason with it, perhaps striking a bargain or finding a way to placate it temporarily. Unfortunately, sometimes you just have to fight for yourself. The philosopher Seneca said, "Gold is tried by fire, great men by adversity."

SCORPIO
(Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You'll be in truly unusual company this week. Even when you're not feeling particularly social, jump into the mix. There are opportunities too good to miss, especially on Friday and Saturday. If you get stuck, you can always ingratiate yourself to others by making them laugh. Leo is the perfect "wingman."

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Your worldliness is a help to others. So travel and adventure really isn't an indulgence. It's a necessity! A scandal or sticky situation is featured late in the week -- your part in this may be damage control to protect the not-so innocent. You're smart about these things and loved ones learn to trust your instincts.

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19). You can't do it all yourself. It would be wonderful if you could, because you're so competent at all you take on these days. Avoid a certain glory grabbing individual late in the week, or you risk inadvertently letting this person take your due credit. Your love life sizzles this weekend, especially when Gemini is near.

Visit the Earthwatch Worldwide website.

How many emo kids does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None! Let them cry in the dark.

How do you get a goth out of a tree?

Cut the rope.

What do you call a bunch of skinheads at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start.

What's the difference between a hippie and a trampoline?

You take off your boots before you jump on a trampoline.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.
"Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents."
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' I'm like...Helloooooo? It's only 25 cents!!!!"

Tumors are not pretty.

She makes me extremely self-conscious.

Best Motion Picture of the Year - my pick: Brokeback Mountain.
Winner: Crash.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Leading Role - my pick: Philip Seymour Hoffman for Capote.
Winner: Philip Seymour Hoffman.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Leading Role - my pick: Felicity Huffman for Transamerica.
Winner: Reese Witherspoon.

Best Performance by an Actor in a Supporting Role - my pick: Jake Gyllenhaal for Brokeback Mountain.
Winner: George Clooney.

Best Performance by an Actress in a Supporting Role - my pick: Rachel Weisz for The Constant Gardener.
Winner: Rachel Weisz.

Best Achievement in Directing - my pick: George Clooney for Good Night, and Good Luck.
Winner: Ang Lee.

So I guessed right only with best leading actor and best supporting actress.

AQUARIUS
(Jan. 20-Feb. 18). Everyone tells you his or her troubles today. Everyone. It's as though you are walking around with a T-shirt that says, "The Therapist is IN." Thank goodness you're not required to offer answers. Listening is hard enough.

PISCES
(Feb. 19-March 20). The surest way to heal your heart is to spend today with someone you love, even someone you only love as a friend or as a pet. Thoughtfully observe what he or she looks like in morning light, noon and moonlight.

ARIES
(March 21-April 19). You usually think of truly inspiring goals. So, you're really not used to being in this current position of thinking your aim is way too hard and so not fun. Take a break! Do nothing -- and do it with a vengeance.

TAURUS
(April 20-May 20). This is a wonderful day for shopping in any form, including window shopping or browsing catalogs. You'll add to a collection, find the perfect tool or build a more glamorous wardrobe.

GEMINI
(May 21-June 21). In the spirit of play, you're tempted to make matters more complicated than they are. There's a fine line between playful and annoying. Your best bet is to keep it simple.

CANCER
(June 22-July 22). Sunny thoughts rule now, and you charm all you contact. Though others want you to take the whole day off, you'll feel better if you log in a couple of hours of work. You're driven, and that's just what driven people do.

LEO
(July 23-Aug. 22). You're feeling so creative. Your mind, as the author Robertson Davies wrote, is "a dustbin of scraps of brilliant fabric, odd gems, worthless but fascinating curiosities, tinsel, quaint bits of carving ... "

VIRGO
(Aug. 23-Sept. 22). Even the most complex task, like making a relationship work harmoniously, is a series of very small and doable steps. Put your planning skills to the test of finding creative ways to show your love.

LIBRA
(Sept. 23-Oct. 23). You have long ago given up trying to make that chronically unhappy person try happiness for a change. So, it will surprise you when you are actually able to make this person laugh!

SCORPIO
(Oct. 24-Nov. 21). You're not mad about your options today. Instead of choosing activities you are mildly interested in, get more suggestions. Call on another Scorpio or a Pisces for an unforeseen solution.

SAGITTARIUS
(Nov. 22-Dec. 21). Since work expands to the time available for its completion, you may as well keep it short. Make noon your deadline. All that needs to be done can be accomplished by then. After that, REST!

CAPRICORN
(Dec. 22-Jan. 19). Just because you agreed to something in the beginning doesn't mean you have to keep agreeing. People change, and you're a "people" too. The most human thing to do is to revise your arrangement.