Monday, October 31, 2005
Haunted Hydro
Last weekend we were all loaded up and set to go to the Haunted Hydro in Fremont after spending an hour collecting everyone, filling up the gas tank, etc., before we realized that the place does not accept Discover cards. The outing was aborted and we returned home dejected. Boo hoo.
Last night we finally made it back. I was a bit disappointed that this year's set-up did not include the insane go-cart ride wherein one (in previous years) would drive through the woods while being chased by bloody people with axes. Instead there were two main areas, both of which we had tickets for.
The first part was called the "Catacombs" and involved a large fenced-in maze. Have you ever had the common nightmare of trying to find your way through rows of fences? Well, imagine that plus massive fog to the point where you can't see four feet in front of you, along with bloody people cackling at you and surprising you by coming through the fog. The kids were panicking (in a good way) but I maintained my composure. Good for me.
The second part was the Haunted Hydro itself, built inside the concrete structure of an old hydroelectric power plant. The last time I went, it was my least favorite part. But this year - in large part due to the antics of my weird little brother - I absolutely loved it. There were numerous, varied characters in every section. My little brother was burying his face in his coat early on (after brazenly marching through the fog of the Catacombs) so I knew it'd be good. Imagine running into the Grim Reaper and another visage of death in a dark room. Now imagine a decidedly strange eleven-year-old boy freaking out, freezing in place, then leaping instinctively into a Keanu Reeves-Matrix posture as if he were going to have to fight his way free from pending death. I nearly died laughing on the spot.
Around another corner we found a mad housewife shoving her child into a washing machine. Later we found a 300-pound, bald grown man in a diaper gnawing on a bloody human femur. More twists and turns and surprises. We finally exited the doors and thought we were nearly free. But no - after a few surprises by more traditional-looking creatures, we heard the sound of a roaring chainsaw. We looked forward to see a large woman in overalls coming at us with said tool. At this point my brother went so bonkers that he plowed onto me, knocking me over onto my sixteen-year-old sister. So there we were in a pile on the ground as the woman with the chainsaw lurched toward us. Good times.
In defense of my brother and me, I should point out that the other kids I took - my daughter (14), my sister (16) and sister's friend (also 16) - fell numerous other times in the course of panicking. They were covered in dust when we left.
Lessons learned? Adrenalin rushes can be a lot of fun. And in a crisis, my brother is 100% useless. And I find myself asking why stupid, childish, yet 100% natural human reactions aren't featured more often in horror films. You know the typical scene where a few teenage girls see Freddie/Jason/Mike coming at them and take off running? Never would happen! Try the girls suddenly clinging and running into one another, only to fall into a pile, incapable of moving or getting up, waiting there in a lump for the killer to approach. Yeah.
Tonight (Halloween) is the last night that the Hydro is open. I recommend that you make it out to Fremont after trick-or-treating time is over if you can.
Last night we finally made it back. I was a bit disappointed that this year's set-up did not include the insane go-cart ride wherein one (in previous years) would drive through the woods while being chased by bloody people with axes. Instead there were two main areas, both of which we had tickets for.
The first part was called the "Catacombs" and involved a large fenced-in maze. Have you ever had the common nightmare of trying to find your way through rows of fences? Well, imagine that plus massive fog to the point where you can't see four feet in front of you, along with bloody people cackling at you and surprising you by coming through the fog. The kids were panicking (in a good way) but I maintained my composure. Good for me.
The second part was the Haunted Hydro itself, built inside the concrete structure of an old hydroelectric power plant. The last time I went, it was my least favorite part. But this year - in large part due to the antics of my weird little brother - I absolutely loved it. There were numerous, varied characters in every section. My little brother was burying his face in his coat early on (after brazenly marching through the fog of the Catacombs) so I knew it'd be good. Imagine running into the Grim Reaper and another visage of death in a dark room. Now imagine a decidedly strange eleven-year-old boy freaking out, freezing in place, then leaping instinctively into a Keanu Reeves-Matrix posture as if he were going to have to fight his way free from pending death. I nearly died laughing on the spot.
Around another corner we found a mad housewife shoving her child into a washing machine. Later we found a 300-pound, bald grown man in a diaper gnawing on a bloody human femur. More twists and turns and surprises. We finally exited the doors and thought we were nearly free. But no - after a few surprises by more traditional-looking creatures, we heard the sound of a roaring chainsaw. We looked forward to see a large woman in overalls coming at us with said tool. At this point my brother went so bonkers that he plowed onto me, knocking me over onto my sixteen-year-old sister. So there we were in a pile on the ground as the woman with the chainsaw lurched toward us. Good times.
In defense of my brother and me, I should point out that the other kids I took - my daughter (14), my sister (16) and sister's friend (also 16) - fell numerous other times in the course of panicking. They were covered in dust when we left.
Lessons learned? Adrenalin rushes can be a lot of fun. And in a crisis, my brother is 100% useless. And I find myself asking why stupid, childish, yet 100% natural human reactions aren't featured more often in horror films. You know the typical scene where a few teenage girls see Freddie/Jason/Mike coming at them and take off running? Never would happen! Try the girls suddenly clinging and running into one another, only to fall into a pile, incapable of moving or getting up, waiting there in a lump for the killer to approach. Yeah.
Tonight (Halloween) is the last night that the Hydro is open. I recommend that you make it out to Fremont after trick-or-treating time is over if you can.
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